first

there are a lot of firsts that we all have been through

sadly not everyone can remember all our firsts

like our first steps

our first words

our first feelings

but when it comes to love, we somehow

have a tendency to remember our first everything

the first time we realized we loved each other

the first time we dated

the first time we held hands

etc etc and so on and so forth

i have practically embedded in my head the first time i told you i loved you

i even went as far as to try and convince you to forget me cause that was the first time ever that i was so filled with guilt.

i still remember

as a little teenage girl

i was very shy and so i hid behind my always annoyed face

and try to avoid any form of self introduction

then i realized how happy my sister got

with boyfriends of theirs

and i stayed the strong single

and i even joked about it a lot just to show how comfortable i was with being single

and then you came along and literally turned me upside down

i was so busy trying to avoid you that i hated you

i hated you for being well

you

i hated everything you were because it kind of showed me how much i missed

you were what i hated because i realized that while annoyance can kill many things

it eventually won't work anymore

i hated you

you were trouble to me

and then you were my source of comfort

and now you're mine

i've never been happier

weaker for sure

but happier

i'm less aggressive

i'm nicer

i'm more affectionate

i'm more different

and i hate it

but for you i'd tone everything down

xoxo

charm chew