<3

love hurts, that is for sure
how much does it hurt?
i can’t answer that honestly

it hurts to know that we are searching for love and pain both at the same time yet we just are too blind to realize it in the first place. we spend our entire lives accepting and rejecting love from other people who were once strangers. the become yours in the sense that they trust you completely. yet you rather indulge in what your mind thinks it should be rather that what it really is.

we change ourselves to get accepted, and in that journey, we lose ourselves yet not entirely, we change as a way to disguise our true self, all for that one person that we think we are deeply in love with to accept ourselves and then the dream and nightmares all come rushing in and lining up at the door, each getting harder and more difficult to erase, each leaving a scar far deeper that the one before.

and the we get what we think we want, what do we do after? we control and we become what we were, the one person you shoved aside had return in full form, you want to know everything, the sudden silence forms anger in between and every explosion brings about an effect far larger than expected. the dream that of what the other will do fades like the beautiful dust of color.

the circle goes on and on till one day you fixed your heart and mind, you take revenge on innocent people who had trusted you, you in return tarnish their view of love, their outlook on love changes to your liking, you toy with them till you are bored and completely incapable of any form of being entertained by them any longer, you hold them for one last time and throw them far far away, you become a monster, your way of deciphering love is as twisted as Victorian curls.

yet as twisted as your mind seems to project the feeling you once searched and craved for, you still leave a tiny space to return, you walk the earth almost unwillingly hurting, unwillingly flowing black blooded love through your veins. honestly searching for the one person to suck the poison away and cure from this curse you carry on your bare chest that contaminates everything you do and say.

you never know just when you have found the one person capable of curing you completely, from the inside out. therefore, you hurt and you bite, you curse and you scream, you scar and you bruise, you see them still there after the last soldier of your black blooded love has died, you know that your lips will finally glow a rosy pink, your heart will pump well and your cheeks will flush itself with the loveliest of pink and the warmth you needed will return

in the midst of not caring, not caring about the other party, not caring if they bleed to death or if they die in your arms. you found the one person who makes you want to care, the one person who makes your heart pump like raindrops on the roof and you handle them like a burning candle.

you ignore the pain of the wax that they drip on your now fragile fingers, you let the warmth flow under your skin and into your blood stream. and then you leave, all your life you have hurt one after the other, and now you leave hand in hand, walking into the sunset that burns the colors of your passion.

you melvin, are the candle that drips hot wax on my fingers

ps: the words just flow out like water flowing into my dry throat, i know some of it just does not make any sense but, it makes perfect sense to me