songs for the mourning

on june, i posted something on facebook and i got a comment from my former supervisor
she said that on one of my former colleague died in an accident
i called another one of my colleague and he confirmed the news

he was by far one of the skinniest guys i ever met and i often teased him for that
now that he is gone, i can’t say i don’t miss him
it took me a few days of hard work and ways to keep busy just to cope with the news

then i blogged about it and somehow it made me feel like the burden is finally lifted
i didn’t even get to say a simple goodbye

 

july started of pretty much normally
everything seemed to fall nicely albeit awkwardly into place

then the news came to me in the form of a text message
on july 20th, at 2.50am
i got a message saying “ my brother’s gone “
this time it felt far far worst then before

mervin chow died of leukemia, one he had been fighting for i don’t know how long
despite several attempts by his youngest brother melvin to save him
he even wrote it down in his blog

what hurts is this
i never knew him that well
the only time i ever caught a glimpse of him was during chinese new year of 2011
he was resting i think cause he was probably sick

and the next time i saw him
i got a closer look
but he could not do anything anymore

 

and even after 2 deaths in 2 months
i never cried
not a single tear
a few sad moments where i just switched off the music in my car while driving
and just dream of what i could have done to save them
a few sad moments where sad songs are played and tears happen to flow
due to the dryness of my eyes from constant blowing from car air cond

nothing more..

 

these helped me this month

i’ll admit, death still scares me but i guess i’ve been rather numb to it
this could do two things to me form the inside out
1) it could kill me from the inside out, just because i could be bottling everything inside
2) it could make me stronger, just because i seem to have almost no feelings

whatever it is, i never regretted meeting them

may your souls finally find peace
may your memories bring us smiles and not tears one day
may you forever be in our hearts
and i hope you do greet me one day, almost like an old friend
like death

xoxo
charm chew