charmainechewshumin

christmas eve and christmas celebrations

2012-01-08T19:09:00.001+08:00

went for quite a few christmas celebrations, all very well done but
my favorite was the one in kampar
just cause i knew quite a lot of people there, so company matters

weird me in grey, gray scarf
wore heals that night after a long time
and gosh my legs hurt like a lot

went for a drink with dad and they had these christmas hats
prepare for less then epic funnies

the funny chinamen

the funny china men haz funny china lady

boon boon with wifey

followed dad on the night of Christmas eve
went pub hopping
i hate the taste and smell of beer but i went anyway just for the fun of it

papa with his evil daughters

papa with calculative treasurer and 1/2 an evil daughter

this was at station one in first garden

after that we went to lavo behind jusco and went home
cause i hate pubs since they are mostly dark, they smell bad, and i’m not that party girl

so that was christmas 2011 for me, rather boring since i do admit
i’d rather spend my day sleeping more then doing anything else, lazy bum

xoxo
charmchew

dad’s birthday

2011-12-26T00:08:00.001+08:00

my dad’s birthday ended a while ago and i procrastinated till now

it was an almost perfect surprise cause my dad sadly is very observant so can you imagine how hard it was to pull off the surprise right under his nose
mission impossible almost

but we managed to get him a cake and he was surprised for sure

add in a some beer, a little good company, a dash of crazies and you kind of get the picture
otherwise, here are some pictures

here’s the birthday cake, strawberry marshmallow cake, thanks to melvin who intro-ed this awesome cake to me

birthday man holding his cake, and no i don’t know why is his mouth like that…

comparing tummy sizes
this guy above wins for largest tummy in the company
his contender?

good job but still need more practice…

the birthday chant, been hearing this song since i was a little kid, never really gets old

then the crazies came out,
warning though, since they are crazy, some sexual acts will be on display
look away if you cannot handle it

its not that sexual, but just as a precaution, some people might get too sensitive so…

le kiss and le grope

le snuggle and le squeeze, and random tongue out with pervy face

peace to the gropers

and finally

pulls away from ugly lollipop loving guy with extra funny and scary face….

had super fun that night, thank god i wasn’t hurt in any way
though i can’t say the same to the rest

group picture

happy birthday daddy!!!!

xoxo
charm chew

the accident

2011-12-09T22:56:00.001+08:00

on a saturday evening, me and my sister were making our way home from work,
we were driving along a path that we passed by millions of times, a road that was once foreign that has now become so familiar
suddenly out of no where, on the right, a motorcyclist made a sharp left turn right in from of our car without warning
no signal lights, nothing
he was an old malay man and he had no helmet on,
yi was driving and she panicked as she didn’t have enough time to break and hit the old man

the impact shattered the glass and for a second we both showered in glass pieces

the man was bleeding from his head since he didn’t have a helmet on in the first place
so i did what i was supposed to, i told panicky yi to snap some photos of what happened
while i tried to call an ambulance
i dialed 999 on my phone and to my dismay, there was ringing but no answer
the old malay man was sent home to gather his stuff and he was rushed to the hospital by other bystanders
at least that was what i’d like to believe happened

next i called my neighbor and dad while trying to calm yi down
according to her, i was very calm when all this happened
i guess i played the adult role while waiting for the actual adults to arrive

when they arrived i freaked and i believe i went into an instant panic
and willingly let them take over

so we went and gather our papers and launched a report
i knew i wasn’t going to see hear touch my car for a while
while we claimed the repairs from the insurance agency

the repairs were done in peak lik wong (buntong)
the delightful surprise was when we found out the person on the case was our high school classmate
small world

this was the damage from the accident
i got to admit, i think i am to an extend a materialistic person
so seeing my car in this condition, i wasn’t as heartbreaking as worried
i was worrid about the cost of it all, true the insurance claim was being done
but what about the costs that the insurance doesn't cover??

this is my car being prepped for a paint job, filled with clay

while the car repairs were underway, i tried to calm myself and looked forward to seeing flowers at the office garden patch

and playing with a stray dog that i’ve gotten used to petting <3

and after nearly a whole month of being car-less
i got my car back and i love it, and i missed it

sidenote: went to old town for lunch today, got fried ice cream after that and saw some amazing sites
loving ipoh more and more
and finally got to eat egg custard again after so long, love that the most

yummiest thing i know since a little girl

this is the ceiling of the fried ice cream shop

and just across is the clock tower in the food court

i guess that's why i love ipoh, has its charm of its own

xoxo
charm chew

le update

2011-11-01T22:28:00.001+08:00

gosh so many things have been going on and all of a sudden there goes one month with no updates
i feel like natalie tran, she keep promising to do stuff that she never does anyway
liar!!! unsubscribed to her btw, got sick of empty promises

so anyway back to stuff that happened, well recently i witnessed a fire, yea a fire, no big deal
except electrical cables were on fire and they were active,
and except that it was just a few blocks away from my office

here’s the video, credits to my landlords son who manage to capture this
their whole family got there earlier and i was almost the last one to get there

the fire department and the electrical company put the fire out eventually and everything is ok
i learnt that people actually burn cables like this so the plastic melts away and they steal the actual cable minus the plastic cover
interesting!!!

so that happened one day after deepavali
and i decorated my room again last sunday
here is how it looks like, added one furniture, new curtains. etc etc…

new curtains from tesco, surprising..

tied to the sides with lace

the new set of drawers picked out by both yi and i

inside the first drawer, tiniest collection of cheap perfumes and nail polish, my make up bag etc etc….

yi’s fabrics for arts and craft and my chunky bangles and twinings tea i got for yi

this is how we used to hang our accessories, now its on the wall next to a mirror i just got a while ago

now it looks like this and the hooks at the cupboard door is filled with bracelets and so on…

below the mirror is a shelf filled with food, dry stuff and emergency toilet rolls

and the shelf is next to my bed.

speaking of food, after 22 years, i got “compliments” on how fat i’ve gotten
i consider that a complimennt just cause i’ve been “too skinny” for too long, now i have a tummy
might keep it there for a few more months, hah!!!

i got myself a new camera, compact of course
since i was a little girl till now, i’ve always used my family’s camera, depending on what it was
from kodak camera to konica camera to nikon camera

so my youngest sister ran away a while ago and took the nikon which is the family camera
and now we have no camera except those awesome photography apps you can get on the android market

so i got this compact sony camera
in red, which does not disappoint at all, almost wanted the pink but saw the red and i changed my mind

and i have been obsessing over cheap perfumes, just cause as a kid i only used enchanteur deodorants
because my dad was a distributor of enchanteur and i could get it cheap

this was the peak of it and i even kept the boxes then

guess i am a cheapo at heart, and i know that buying this and using them can be dangerous but i’m young, all i care about is how i smell now!!

and yes i have a few favorites and a few disappointments

those i love (in no particular order)
escada (ocean longue)
ralph lauren (ralph)
ralph lauren (romance)
escada (pacific paradise)
clinique (happy hearts) *which is yi’s fav too
gucci (envy me)
gucci (flora)

i’m definitely going to get the original of the ones i love just cause the fake one smells so awesome, i can only imagine how the real one smells like

and lastly, i got demi lovato’s unbroken cd
songs are awesome
been listening to it for 4 weeks straight and still not sick of it

thats it for now, will keep updating as much as i can

miss you!!
xoxo
charm chew

punctuality!!

2011-08-31T00:38:00.002+08:00

i cannot stress enough about how much punctuality means to me, if there is anything i cannot stand is people who are late, and by late i mean they cause everyone else to wait for their arrival like they are the very important guest who will launch the entire outing

surely you must have awesome time management skill to have agreed to join in the plan in the first place, you must have a contingency plan to support the main plan in case it fails, and for the life of me i cannot understand why you cannot text or call to tell that you will be late and to tell others to proceed with the plan anyway

can you imagine a group of 5 people waiting for that one stupid bitch who ignorantly gets ready while we sit at McDonalds and wait for her like slaves waiting for the masters orders and carries them out

and honestly, it gives a bad impression. if that in itself does not suck, i think i have the right to call you fat too just cause you indirectly insulted me by wasting my precious time doing nothing but waiting for you, never knowing when you will appear, yes appear.

so people think its wrong for me to be mad at you when i myself spend the whole time from 8.00pm to at least 11.00 waiting for you to come and start our plan which initially was to go karaoke in the first place, but its right for you to get ready for 3 hours, and when we reached your house, you were in your mask and still went on blowing your hair and slapping some more hideous clothes to cover your fat body, i mean hello, all 5 of us, yes 5, that is FIVE people waiting for you.

and then we got to jusco where we planned to sing, it was closed, bowling, closed, snooker, closed. someone decides to yum cha, fine. i suggested going to pack some drinks and go to padang ipoh, wait for fireworks and play truth or dare. you said no fireworks and rather go to woolley food court to yum cha.

i'm not sorry for showing my annoyed face and refusing to talk, since all your answers to everyone else was so snobbish to begin with, you are lucky that they were all guys, all 3 of them, that 3, yes THREE guys for you!!

my sister asked me whats wrong with me, i refused to tell her, still give you face so you won't be embarrassed. you better thank her for defending a total stranger from me, her sister poison unfiltered words, seriously, thank god if i never see you again, and you better ask for his mercy if i ever do, i'm pissed like nobody's business now!!!

if you think i'm being a little too much, what can i say, you started it first and i'm just continuing it, since you are after all the VIB, yea VIB, not VIP.

owh you don't know what VIB is for?

its a custom made abbreviation from yours truly

it means Very Idiotic Bitch

you're welcome

xoxo

charm chew

the tiniest things

2011-08-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

the tiniest things seems so precious now, the little picture you made me, the 2 necklaces you gave me, the cuddles and hugs you gave for free, even the accidental touch of fingers, the little glances i imagine, the quick waves, the video calls that i look forward to every night without fail and the moment when i realize how all of it made me go so mad because all i could think of is you and then i drown into thoughts and everything seems to fall nicely into place like it was meant to be

the nightmares and the dream you tell me, the stories your head makes, the thoughts you fascinate me with and the words you say that sink into me, the text messages that seem to tell a tale, the novels we created throughout out time together, they all seem so useless then and yet they are what makes you the only one i keep thinking of

the love letters via e-mails that lay forgotten, the stories in a book that i stopped writing about, the dreams of endless gifts for your birthday the ambition of a new phone for you to use, empty promises all thrown away and still the air of wishing remains, the wishes that sit on my head waiting to be used, the goodnight wishes and the bedtime stories, the teddy bear that started it all and the calls to me as an alarm clock, the endless times you cares and the many time you bleed dry, the many realizations that you are now mine and the many times when i want you by my side

the many songs we shared and the only one you tried to play to me, through songs we say what we always wanted to but dared not, just incase of a broken lip from biting nervously, a warmed up face from embarrassment, and rosy red blushes from being too shy, the many things that we both like and shared, the ever growing list of nicknames created and the silliest thoughts said

the stunted growth of the pictures we took together, the many delicacies you introduced to me, the numerous times you reassured and comforted me, the many things you did for me and not expect anything more than a simple hug and a smile on my face, the various statuses written about me and for me, the many miles travelled just to say hello, the secrets we made and told, the promises that broke.

all of this little tiny things, they form the memories i have of you, but these are just the tip of the iceberg, lets make more till the world drowns in them.

xoxo
charm chew

it crashes down

2011-08-08T22:44:00.001+08:00

i was never born with superb brains
nor was i born with superb looks

i took with me a part of my dad
and a part of my mom

i lived a happy life, where smiles were like air
flying kites and washing cars

sometimes i get scared at night
i hugs my bolster real tight

i kept my eyes closed
so i won’t see any hungry ghosts around

i went to the best kindergarten my parents could get me into
i excelled and life was fun

i got into the best school my parents could find
i dropped since standard 4

i’m a very hands on girl
i like to try something new

i’m not a very bright girl
i’m very sure you knew

my childhood was perfect
i could not ask for more

i never loved exams
nor do i love tests

the best day would be one
where all i did was read

horror stories and romantic movies
mitch albom and his fantastic stories

all that mattered was things that make me happy

i have a temper
a really bad one

i’ve had my hair short for the longest time
it suits my height of 4ft 9

if you think that by now
you would have known me
i guess you might just be right

but people change
sometimes overnight

xoxo
charm chew

running away

2011-08-01T19:46:00.001+08:00

i’m quite sure that growing up, all of us have at least though of running away at one point in their life
i have and although i have never actually ran away, i do know that as silly as the reason for running away may be
it seem very solid at that time

i’ve always wondered how it feels like to just pack everything and leave
probably without planning or anything

my oldest sister ran away before, she went to kampar and escaped my parents
same for my youngest sister who holds the record for running away the most time out of the 3 of us
she ran away for many reasons, but i;m sure we all run away for one reason

its when the safest place you know seems threatened and no longer safe
when you room is intruded, or your privacy invaded
your feeling pushed aside and anger takes over

adults who have their place or spouse can depend on such things
but we younger ones have no place to go
our room is the only place that is truly ours while growing up

i’m not saying that running away is the only thing that will solve the problem
i’m not encouraging nor discouraging it in any way

as a person who has never run away before even at the age of 22
i feel like the least eligible person to comment on this
i do know that we have reasons for out actions

be it valid or not, they must mean something to us
it must have ment something so badly that you would want to leave

so why do people run away?
why do kids run away?

i guess, something must have pushed them to that ultimatum

whatever it may be, i suppose its like the sudden calming period after the treacherous storm

anyone ever ran away before?
do tell me how it was like and why did you run away?
i’d like to know

xoxo
charm chew

songs for the mourning

2011-07-23T22:43:00.001+08:00

on june, i posted something on facebook and i got a comment from my former supervisor
she said that on one of my former colleague died in an accident
i called another one of my colleague and he confirmed the news

he was by far one of the skinniest guys i ever met and i often teased him for that
now that he is gone, i can’t say i don’t miss him
it took me a few days of hard work and ways to keep busy just to cope with the news

then i blogged about it and somehow it made me feel like the burden is finally lifted
i didn’t even get to say a simple goodbye

july started of pretty much normally
everything seemed to fall nicely albeit awkwardly into place

then the news came to me in the form of a text message
on july 20th, at 2.50am
i got a message saying “ my brother’s gone “
this time it felt far far worst then before

mervin chow died of leukemia, one he had been fighting for i don’t know how long
despite several attempts by his youngest brother melvin to save him
he even wrote it down in his blog

what hurts is this
i never knew him that well
the only time i ever caught a glimpse of him was during chinese new year of 2011
he was resting i think cause he was probably sick

and the next time i saw him
i got a closer look
but he could not do anything anymore

and even after 2 deaths in 2 months
i never cried
not a single tear
a few sad moments where i just switched off the music in my car while driving
and just dream of what i could have done to save them
a few sad moments where sad songs are played and tears happen to flow
due to the dryness of my eyes from constant blowing from car air cond

nothing more..

these helped me this month

i’ll admit, death still scares me but i guess i’ve been rather numb to it
this could do two things to me form the inside out
1) it could kill me from the inside out, just because i could be bottling everything inside
2) it could make me stronger, just because i seem to have almost no feelings

whatever it is, i never regretted meeting them

may your souls finally find peace
may your memories bring us smiles and not tears one day
may you forever be in our hearts
and i hope you do greet me one day, almost like an old friend
like death

xoxo
charm chew

froyo-ed

2011-07-23T21:58:00.001+08:00

i cannot really remember when i got so addicted to froyo but i remember my youngest sister bringing me to tutti frutti in gunung rapat one day and i never looked back.

my cup of froyo awesomeness

my cup of awesomeness part 2

we dragged our older sister along the next day and had it all over again

next thing you know i got the older sister and boyfie to have it with me

in these dark times, its nice to know even the tiniest things once made you happy

xoxo
charm chew

momento mori

2011-06-13T23:38:00.001+08:00

i remember as a kid, i was reading the dictionary
yes reading the dictionary like a story book
and i would always have a little book beside me to make notes of words i found interesting
and i did have a collection
but i lost them,

through time, i slowly forgotten those words
but one word i found, i never forget
i couldn’t really forget that word

momento mori
i read the meaning and i loved it somehow
i tried to use it in essays
never got the chance to

finally a blog post that revolves around this one special word i found
in a dictionary

“Memento mori is a Latin phrase translated as "Remember your mortality", "Remember you must die" or "Remember you will die"It names a genre of artistic work which varies widely, but which all share the same purpose: to remind people of their own mortality. The phrase has a tradition in art that dates back to antiquity.”

source: wikipedia

the death of a friend, a collegue
that somehow reminded me of this word and its meaning

the dead may be weak and unable to do what we can
but in those final moments, they can do something none of us can while alive
they can make everyone they know think of all the memories they once shared
they bring people together
they allow a way for closure, to heal the wounds that cut deep

tears, mourning. they all help

but the final act of the dead, reminds us that they are around us
they linger barely in our presence
the wrongs they did
forgotten
the happy times
cried over
they move on
we stay behind and heal

as time passes, we tend to smile at the happy times once more
the loss of a friend
the loss of a loved one
the loss of a living this you share a deep connection with
suddenly ripped out and you bleed yourself empty

maybe if we all had a habit of remembering that death is coming our way
everyday he comes closer
maybe we can treat death like an old friend, ever so familiar
getting closer
removing us from the pains and disease of a rotting body

then maybe, just maybe
death will seem less painful
missing you would be less heartbreaking

maybe deep down, we never want to discover the word
maybe deep down inside, we keep busy to forget the inevitable
maybe deep down inside, we want to forget

the pain
the loss
the tears
the darker side
the loss of life’s lemons

xoxo
charm chew

loves

2011-06-13T22:48:00.001+08:00

i got two things for you

bacon weave

and eating bacon

xoxo
charm chew

holiday activities

2011-06-05T10:17:00.002+08:00

had nothing planned for today or yesterday, so decided to clean the bedroom and finish up the decorating project we started a while ago
swept the floors,
swapped the beds positions,
wiped the floors clean
rearrange soft toys
cleaned the cupboard and hug up clothes
cleaned shelves and personalized my shelf
created a craft basket
finished 3/4 of the project

as for today
i've had trouble maintaining the cleanliness of the room like yesterday
too lazy to make my bed, hell i never make my bed

yesterday the sheets were nice and blanket was folded neatly
this is how it looks like today

messah!!!!

anyway this is how the board look like

relatively empty but still better than before

yi is planning to do the whole room and not limit it to the board only

spent the rest of the day visiting a 2NE1 blog
and listening to paramore’s new single-monster
and versaemerge's figure me out
it sucked when i first listen to it but then it seem ok, it got addictive
but there is still something missing.. in my opinion

xoxo
charm chew

yesterday

2011-05-23T18:32:00.001+08:00

went for a date yesterday with mellie
wanted to watch pirates of the u know....
but they were sold out

all because it took us a lifetime to find for parking
all while mellie saying his car was a tank
he wanted a gun on top blah, boy stuff

had to calmly find for parking, ended up talking in the car for 48 minutes
and slowly find for parking

ended up watching preist
didn't know what it was about
so went to mcdonalds, had lunch and searched for what it was

it said, korean story
comics
vampires
superheroes

so i though ok, should suck cause anything with vamps
suck to me, but oh well, least i get to cuddle?
watched it in 3d

regret, ended up scared, close to tears
guess i am that chicken after all

gosh i do miss him, i so can't wait for this falling head over heels passion stage to be over
then i won't go crazy so over him like a 5 year old justin beiber fan circa 2 years ago

my favorite picture so far

and i miss my long hair….

*crawls in a corner and cries*

xoxo
charm chew

camera

2011-05-14T18:00:00.001+08:00

i know i stopped blogging for a really long time. so many things to do and so many little things that drive me up the wall, i’ve been downloading a lot of photography apps on my android

so here is my haircut

cooler days with this head

went for korean that night

picture at company

got a rather unusual cake for mummy as a mothers day gift, and i got her a pink scarf that she is using a lot lately

and there was a morning glory at work a few days ago

and finally i got a picture of colleague

and while kampar was transformed into a swimming pool,
jelapang was being turned into a water theme park

neon-ness

and i got myself a new bag, and mum gave me her old genuine leather bag

loves

yi got her toy bunny, she calls it bunny

and little sis camwhoring while at mamak

and a few other photos

baby with puffy looking tired face (hush, he looks cuter this way to me, or i could just be silly)

bibimbap

and extra spicy beef soup

and other stuff

became an archie comics addict overnight

got myself a walkman, on top of the 2 phones i’ve got for myself too
and not to mention the many CDs
aiming for laptop next or maybe a beats headphone by dr dre

thats all

xoxo
charm chew

foreign land

2011-03-25T20:25:00.003+08:00

pain, fear, lost, missing. i felt all those separately and together all at the same time in these few days. the fear of letting go and loosing the one thing that i swear made life worth living, the pain in knowing that i will never feel what i felt once more, the missing part that is now lost, drowning in the tears that will flow.

i cried as i hugged the pillow you gave me, i looked at the soft toy that i was going to give you for your birthday, its eyes, large as ever seem to stare at me in a sarcastic manner, almost as though saying to me " you deserve it " i cover myself in my sheets and cried my sorrow lullaby that puts me to sleep

all the while wishing in a rather secretive manner that my phone will finally ring in excitement, announcing a text from you, a sweet one preferably, yet it goes on into the deep night with silence, almost as though sleeping to charge itself.

the next day surrounds itself with tears, thunderstorms and heavy rains set the perfect mood to mourn the death of a love so fragile, it chose to break apart. started to contemplate suicide, thinking of which method to use, thinking of ways to say my final goodbye and overcoming my fear of pain.

braved myself and texted you, you said you hated me and told me not to contact you anymore, felt the pain, beating hard, punching, forcing the pain in me

i was blind, angry. i did something i regret. i leaned on myself, became strong. to a point where it broke. i was sick of being strong, i admit. i was a fool, showering myself in memories that seemed so long ago. hurting from the inside

xoxo

charm chew

horny

2011-03-07T21:57:00.002+08:00

when a person is horny

society labels it as a negative thing

but i honestly thing its something normal

if there is anything you can blame

i guess you can blame well, the chemicals that make you like that

maybe its just me and my twisted thinking

please note, i am not encouraging anyone to walk out

randomly grab a guy or a girl and rape em and perkosa them

no, i'm not even saying that its the right thing to do

if you are horny and there is nobody around, then duh stupid

porn was made for that. masturbate kau kau la.

back to the topic,

its normal in my opinion to be horny and stuff

its the reason why we are made

people tend to emphasis that sex is wrong,

or rather unprotected sex is wrong

sex, is not wrong

unprotected sex is not wrong

under the circumstances it is right

when you are ready

when you really don't regret

then sure, its right

but if you're under aged

or have STD

then even a mentally insane dead corpse knows that its wrong

i'm made with twisted sick thinkings so

when i see a baby

regardless of how awesomely appealing their looks are

i instantly think of the sex their parents had that night

see, twisted, crazy...

and i hate babies by the way

no offense to baby lovers but

how can you raise a shitting machine that will grow up

go against you

leave you

and let you rot till you die?

only mothers can do that

so back to being horny,

christians, islams, buddhist, cult followers alike

admit it

you all do get horny once in a while

and thats why you're looking for the other half

to have sex with

that the foundation..

i love you so when i'm ready

and when you're ready

i will reward you with sex

but until then

you got to suffer..

just saying

ps: if this offended you or made you laugh. you're welcome in advance

xoxo

charm chew

birthday post

2011-02-21T21:55:00.001+08:00

yes, i do realize that my birthday is over a long time ago
and it was on the first day of chinese new year
but i just got the pictures

went to get dominoes pizza
went to greentown GK and ate there

and then we played a lil snooker and called it a day,

♥

before chinese new year,
we went for a little shopping
at ipoh parade and they had this balloon exhibition
so snap

and then we went to FOS
cause yi wants to get stuff there
i saw this awesome jacket that i tried on

didn’t get it in the end cause it was too warn
fleece yo!!

♥

and i just finished dinner with the family
and as always, we took pictures

thats all

xoxo
charm chew

ps: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

to melvin

2011-02-13T22:13:00.001+08:00

the the best boyfriend so far, thanks for holding on and still staying with me even after all the hardship i put you through on a daily basis, ok fine, hourly basis. i know i made you think that all girls are jerks and that our sole aim is to break the hearts of guys all over. but i’m also glad i made you change your mind, most of all, i’m glad that you appointed me as the source of happiness to you

i remember the first time you came over while waiting for your passport? to get done and how you ended up being a girl. i still laugh at that now. i remember how we sat by the pool and just talked, we never held hands back then and i remember how weird it felt to me, just because we were technically attached to each other yet we never held even a single finger before

i remember your texts that you would send to me and how they could make me happy, i remember the video chats and how it was all my little netbook could run, i remember you print screening pictures and posting them on facebook. i remember looking at your face and able to tell that you had a rough day, i remember your monthly fever and how sick you would get.

thanks for the treats you got me over the course of almost a year, its the longest relationship i’ve had so far. the first one lasted 3 months, second one 3 days, lets hope we last 3 lifetimes ok? thanks for the chocolates you gave me last month, thanks for the pillow thats super soft, thanks for nameless who is as cute as you are, thanks for the blog posts and thanks for your time and patience in dealing with me and my temper

you are always there, every single freaking time, you would ask me why i wanted to break up with you and you would beg me to keep holding on and to never give up, i heard you cry on the phone once when i told you that i wanted out from this, i heard how weak your voice was and how lost you were in the tone and the way you speak. that was the first time i ever heard a guy cry, i was not proud for making you upset and i honestly hated myself that night for making you feel how you felt

i know i am a hard and difficult person to love and i have to agree 100% with that but, thanks for trying and for still being here with me after all these months. i love you melvin, thanks for giving me hope and for confirming that love, no matter how painful and annoying at times, still exists and proving to me that love never forgot about me just quite yet.

hugs and kisses
min

marketing

2011-02-13T21:33:00.001+08:00

tell me, what do festivals or celebrations like
Christmas day
New years day
Easter day
sweet 16 birthdays
Valentines day
fathers day
mothers day
anniversaries

have in common?

super duper awesome marketing
think about it
industries are made from and for these festivals

christmas = decorations + lights + gifts + santa claus
new years day= fireworks + countdown + alcohol + counting backwards
easter day= eggs + paint + psycho bunnies
sweet 16 birthday= spoilt brats + money + popularity contest
valentines day= PDA + chocolates + roses + candlelit dinner
fathers day= fathers day card + dinner with father
mothers day= mothers day card + dinner with mother
anniversaries= whining about how you have put up for another year

happy valentines people, go on, feed the industry

xoxo
charm chew

happiness : the cause of

2011-02-06T23:22:00.001+08:00

happiness
what can we do to make a person experience the feeling of being happy?

is it by getting them something they have always wanted?

or maybe remembering their special day, the day they were born?

or is it being there for them when they need you?

maybe its spending time doing things you love together?

could it be just something as simply as
being close by the one you love
and treasuring the precious time you both have together?

maybe its all the abovementioned and more
whatever it is, being happy sure is the best feeling ever

especially with the one person you want to be with by your side all the way

happiness ftw!!!

xoxo
charm chew

long time

2011-02-06T10:02:00.000+08:00

it has been a while since i popped an update
i admit, i have been a little uninspired
a little busy to look for find for inspiration
a little lazy to look anyway

so the first day of chinese new year clashes with my birthday this year
and it has somehow down played and overshadowed my birthday

but managed to take pictures
we 3 went to the pool due to boredom

yes, i colored my hair once more
it looks freakishly dark red in the shade
and almost bright orange under the sun

had dominos that night and that was it

xoxo
charm chew

<3

2011-02-06T00:31:00.001+08:00

love hurts, that is for sure
how much does it hurt?
i can’t answer that honestly

it hurts to know that we are searching for love and pain both at the same time yet we just are too blind to realize it in the first place. we spend our entire lives accepting and rejecting love from other people who were once strangers. the become yours in the sense that they trust you completely. yet you rather indulge in what your mind thinks it should be rather that what it really is.

we change ourselves to get accepted, and in that journey, we lose ourselves yet not entirely, we change as a way to disguise our true self, all for that one person that we think we are deeply in love with to accept ourselves and then the dream and nightmares all come rushing in and lining up at the door, each getting harder and more difficult to erase, each leaving a scar far deeper that the one before.

and the we get what we think we want, what do we do after? we control and we become what we were, the one person you shoved aside had return in full form, you want to know everything, the sudden silence forms anger in between and every explosion brings about an effect far larger than expected. the dream that of what the other will do fades like the beautiful dust of color.

the circle goes on and on till one day you fixed your heart and mind, you take revenge on innocent people who had trusted you, you in return tarnish their view of love, their outlook on love changes to your liking, you toy with them till you are bored and completely incapable of any form of being entertained by them any longer, you hold them for one last time and throw them far far away, you become a monster, your way of deciphering love is as twisted as Victorian curls.

yet as twisted as your mind seems to project the feeling you once searched and craved for, you still leave a tiny space to return, you walk the earth almost unwillingly hurting, unwillingly flowing black blooded love through your veins. honestly searching for the one person to suck the poison away and cure from this curse you carry on your bare chest that contaminates everything you do and say.

you never know just when you have found the one person capable of curing you completely, from the inside out. therefore, you hurt and you bite, you curse and you scream, you scar and you bruise, you see them still there after the last soldier of your black blooded love has died, you know that your lips will finally glow a rosy pink, your heart will pump well and your cheeks will flush itself with the loveliest of pink and the warmth you needed will return

in the midst of not caring, not caring about the other party, not caring if they bleed to death or if they die in your arms. you found the one person who makes you want to care, the one person who makes your heart pump like raindrops on the roof and you handle them like a burning candle.

you ignore the pain of the wax that they drip on your now fragile fingers, you let the warmth flow under your skin and into your blood stream. and then you leave, all your life you have hurt one after the other, and now you leave hand in hand, walking into the sunset that burns the colors of your passion.

you melvin, are the candle that drips hot wax on my fingers

ps: the words just flow out like water flowing into my dry throat, i know some of it just does not make any sense but, it makes perfect sense to me

ignorance

2011-02-05T22:17:00.001+08:00

ignorance,
i love yet hate this word

ignorance can save you
and it can also hurt like a bitch sometimes

ignorance,
when you ignore a fact or refuse to accept the fact
it can save you
you’d be out there trying to prove something completely opposite of what the ignorant society has made

ignored
this hurts actually, i suppose which side you are on
when you are ignored, you will feel all alone
like nobody cares and nobody wants you there

ignoring
when you are ignoring someone
you may laugh at them since they seem to be begging for your attention all the time
inside you maybe laughing hard at how desperate that person is

so which one are you now?

for me?
as always, i feel ignored and therefore applying ignorance to the current hurtful situation

xoxo
charm chew

when it rains

2011-01-16T22:37:00.003+08:00

and once it started to rain, he would pop his head out and look up, almost as though he was trying to see the gaps between the clear raindrops, his face would get wet and more often that ever, the drops would land on his face, or near his eye. and when he peeked back in and lowered his head, the drops would slide down his chubby cheeks like tears. but he would smile and laugh, and then do it all over again

and when it rained, we would be in the neon, the plastic protecting us from the one thing we were playing in. wellingtons were the attire of choice, laughter were the must have accessories. the melting snow fell from the sky and he laughed till he could cry

and when there was nobody left in the house, he crept around like a mouse. stepped as quite as he could and reached for an arm, he pulled the small arm close and an entity of warmth covered him like a fleece blanket, and there in the middle of a rug, he hugged a toy that kept him warm and happy, even when it rains

and once it started to rain, he would look at the falling drops of clear dampness and wonder if his life was as short as those clear drops of rain. he would ponder deeper in to darkness as the room around him suffocates in his light less fantasy. and the dark transforms like the outside, and then he himself rains, and curses the rainbows that were to form

and when it rained, he would be indoors, trapped in the walls that bounded him, protecting us from the one thing we would rather avoid. snuggling into bed was the activity of choice, and tears of sorrow were forced out from his ducts, the melting snow fell from the sky and he spent the time to cry

and when there was nobody left in the house, he dragged his feet to the door, opened it and looked down still on the floor, he tried to see in the pitch blackness of the hallway, it seemed so unfamiliar and yet he knew he had seen it all before, he reached for a handle and pulled out something shiny, the only light he had seen in a long time, and there in the middle of a rug, he oozed the liquid that kept him warm, but not today, when it rains

xoxo
charm chew

mistakes

2011-01-16T00:39:00.001+08:00

we all make them
even an angel can make a mistake

i honestly don’t realize how many mistakes i have made
not even till now
the amount has not hit me just quite yet

was it a mistake to refuse joining in to this picture?

was it a mistake to work in cocooon and meet the people i met?

was it a mistake to be in the university i don’t even study at?

was it a mistake to enjoy my work? and its rewards?

was it a mistake to change myself in photos?

was it a mistake to have known these people?

is it a mistake to love a band so badly that the though of them separating breaks your heart?

was re-dying my hair over and over again a mistake?

is this a mistake waiting to happen?

so, am i a mistake?

xoxo
charm chew

nightmares

2011-01-13T21:52:00.002+08:00

i wake up every morning with tired eyes

drag myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth

back to the room to get ready

and out the door for breaky

and i'd be in the office, happy

do what i need to for the day and get back home

have my dinner and go online

maybe if i'm lucky talk to mellie

for the past 3 days, i was not so lucky

we could only text

i made myself worried

and now i suffer

been feeling sickly

ulcers in my mouth hurt

and now, nightmares haunt my dreams

i wake up with cold sweat

shocked and scared

but after a while i get back to normal

lesson learned: don't make myself worry so much about things that will be ok

xoxo

charm chew

today

2011-01-09T18:42:00.001+08:00

second sunday of the year
went for a date with melvin

officially just the two of us
and nobody else

went for lunch at pappa rich at de garden and a movie at jusco

poor melvin had to watch Gulliver's travel once more since i have not watched it yet
then we bought groceries and stopped in from of my old house and took pictures

flashback time
this is the first picture we took together,
yeah, not too happy i know

i look weird yo

then this was the second if i’m not wrong

this was when i was still working at folie’s
and he made crazy awesome tira ice cream

much happier looking, with my super great hair color

then today

and these are from his phone
yea have to brag
his iphone (yucks) but i admit, the ability to download kinda fun apps
makes it a little forgivable
but its handicap when it comes to bluetooth
so it sucks a little more

he can haz freaky eyes,
like my first picture
freaky…..

and i tried his specs

regret cause i look silly
and i have a headache after
still do…

and he got me these

all i ate was 3 i think, the rest let family eat

and if you noticed, i have shorter hair now

went for haircut the other day,
no, i did not redye my hair, but i was tempted to

before picture

after picture

after picture again
yes, am wearing the same smurf shirt
its so nice
from F.O.S

xoxo
charm chew

chemor and stuff

2011-01-09T18:20:00.001+08:00

i was going to chemor for work the other day
and to mu surprise, there was a traffic jam.
i found it rather odd since there normally will not be a jam at all
so i went on and i saw this

and on the way back, i captured this

yup, i think you saw this on the star newspaper the next day..

scary i know
so please be careful driving

xoxo
charm chew

lenggong trip

2011-01-08T23:08:00.001+08:00

last sunday, the first sunday of 2011
the family decided to go to taiping
that was the initial plan
but we ended up in lenggong instead

had the famous wan ton noodles
the char siew was awesome awesome awesome

it had newspaper cutting of its shop
its called loh dee wan ton mee

me and emma

the noodles

this is what makes it so special,
cooked over plain wood and fire.

the lady boss and the boss

the friendliest aunty ever

then we drove to a “rumah rehat” cause daddy needed a loo
so we 3 little devils, camwhored

then we went to the archeological museum
and we watched a clip or a few videos there, halfway we were not interested anymore, so we 3 sister went and explored

caveman drawing, replica

“caveman”

“pretty” rocks??

and of cause we snapped ourselves

perak man’s identity card

so tell me guys, what did you do for your first sunday of 2011?

xoxo
charm chew

a list

2010-12-26T20:24:00.002+08:00

there are so many lists that we may or may not make on a daily basis

like a list of items to order from the supplier

a list of prices of items

a call card that lists the products and their selling prices

shopping lists

a lists of reasons

a lists of things to do

its almost as if our lives are governed my lists

oh look, next on my list is to....

upload photos to facebook

there you go, a picture of me and my ugly blue nails with someone pinching my cheeks

xoxo

charm chew

perverts

2010-12-18T20:44:00.005+08:00

perverted

perverts

whenever you say or think of the above words, you will automatically think of guys or the male species, or the manlier gender. cause guys are perverts. its accepted, its normal, its whats expected of them, yet its negative, and for good reasons i must say

exploitation of ladies, women, girls, the gentler gender, have and will continue to exist as long as perverts exist. which basically means till our species have perished completely off the face of earth.

i'm sure you've seen beer posters in coffee shops that show sexily dressed ladies in provocative poses and holding the bottle of beer

you think that bad, you have just seen the censored version

this is what other countries are seeing

and this

if you have it, flaunt it

funny thing is this, ladies realize they are being exploited as a marketing tool for the brand, they silence that realization with the fact that they are getting paid. and so perverts go on to be born every single effing day

porn sites, lets say this. if a guy has not visit a porn site, there are only a few reasons for this, they are gay, underage, abnormal, dead before they could. i suppose its only right to assume that any guy with the ability to get turned on and masturbate to images on screens at the comfort of their homes are normal, or as we girls put it, perverted.

all of these are just to prove to you that guys are perverted, posters, adverts, sites, pictures, thoughts. everything about them is perverted and therefore they are all sinners.

right?

what if i say

wrong

girls, you're there nodding your head in agreement. stop doing that, you're guilty as well. i decided that its about time that we confess that we are not that different from the guys, we're just more subtle and better at hiding, at least i think.

hey, we look at those posters too, we just look at it in disgust. then later think of how larger those balls on her chest are, or how pretty she looks, and you look in the mirror and sigh cause you know that you'll never be like her. then comfort yourself by thinking how cheap she must be to have done that. how can she not know that her face will be stamped in posters halfway around the world

girls, admit it ok, you watch porn too, don't you? don't lie. i know. you secretly browse the web for pictures like the above too, only you're not stupid enough to save it in your computer, but you just browse and let it go

so you see, we girls can be perverts too, we're just less obvious about it

in fact, i think, girls are more perverted or they make the poor males suffer.

seriously, with dresses like these

you can practically see her whole back,

and look how short that dress is.

what poor man wouldn't be turned on?

again, the length of that skirt

and the sinful bikini, covers only the "important areas"

those poor guys,

hey, they can imagine too ok?

and guys masturbate, do girls do that? lets google that shall we? oh, here you go. freaking yes, they do.

so who are we to call a perfectly normal guy who does on occasions get a little sexual, a pervert? when in fact, we girls are well, no different.

so back to me, maybe other girls are not like i mentioned above, maybe they are totally innocent after all. just maybe, i am the only "pervert"

like they say, (enter quote about book covers here)

xoxo

charm chew

ps: this post is not supposed to offend anyone, so apologies in advance if you're stupid enough to get offended in the first place. not my fault you're so stupid

farewell and goodbye

2010-12-12T20:20:00.002+08:00

now i'm sure that some of you have been to folie folie in ipoh before.

the people there are awesome as heck

its hard to say goodbye to your workplace

but its even harder when you're leaving your friends

here are a few i've met and already miss

fat theng: you're like my senior yo and you've been nothing but full of sarcasm,, sometimes it gets irritating but otherwise its tolerable. you will be missed

ah kwan: little mei mei, you're the best person to have stumble upon anytime. thanks for the note this morning and you can ask me to translate anything, anytime

iris: i know i've known you in just a weeks time but you're the first person that i know who hates iphone as much as i do, much loves

big lun: i know that at first i seem very lanci and i'm sorry, you're awesome to make fun of and i wish you best of luck with kikyi. i know you love her

my boss: thanks theng for giving me this golden chance to work with you and your establishment, its the best ever, although sometimes i don't follow the rules like painting my nails blue or texting too much. thanks a lot

xin yi: hey xin yi, i know you may not read this but thanks really, you are the first person i knew at folie folie. thanks for being there for me when i needed it and for supporting me all the way. i love you

yap: gosh where do i start with you ah yap, you annoy me so, i remember you used to give me flying kisses and telling me you love me and i told you to stop endlessly, thankfully you did stop and you did get my number eventually. thanks i guess

ah si: ah si, thanks for calling me after a song, and your hair color is awesome as you are. there is nothing more left to say cause you are well, more awesome than words can describe

ming: my dear 15 year old ming, thanks for being there when i cried, when i felt like nobody was there for me, you were and you listened, never judged, never scolded, just listened. thanks for saving me from falling in the kitchen and head taps to let me know that you're there..

THANKS FOLIE FOLIE!!

this includes the staff at SMR, PUB and KTV!!

xoxo

charm chew

regrets

2010-12-04T21:05:00.001+08:00

what do i regret?
a lot of things
i sometimes regret being born into this world
i sometimes regret being myself
i sometimes regret causing pain to people around me
and i sometimes regret being in love

i regret being how i am
i regret the things i say
i regret the things i do
and every night, ever so seldom.
i regret having you

sometimes i regret smiling
i regret not crying

i regret defending you
i regret protecting you
iregret, that's what apple should come up with

a little sunshine brings a little regret a little later

a little thinking a little sooner would make regretting hurt a little lesser

then smiling would be a little more genuine
crying would make one feel a little better
and regret would die a little sooner

enclosed are the most genuine smiles i have yet

xoxo
charm chew

ps: recent pictures took using nikon d3100

transitions

2010-11-15T20:38:00.003+08:00

if there is one thing that is difficult to go through in life

its definitely transitions

hands down

from a little girl to a teenager

or a teenager to an adult

from a working adult to retirement

and eventually death

from hating someone to loving someone

from loving that someone to hating them all over again

from a ton or text everyday

to almost total silence

all in 24 hours or less

xoxo

charm chew

1 little tribute

2010-11-14T22:19:00.002+08:00

people tend to pay tribute to famous people and these famous people tend to be dead and not hear a single thing said to the dearly deceased and departed. it is rather a shame since a person can only be remembered for the good this they have done while alive yet can never hear it since they are now dead.

i once read a book by mitch albom tittles “ tuesdays with morrie” the main character decided to have a living funeral since he thought it was such a waste that nice words were being thrown at a lifeless body, such a shame that the person could not hear it

morrie gathered a few of his closest friends and each and everyone of them read out what they would say to him at his funeral, he cried and laughed with them as they read. he heard every word and i think thats what i shall do

this is a little tribute, to the one person who showed me the effects of love
while writing this, i realize that some people may not like this
i ask only for you to read it as though this was the person who once taught you love
and how it felt, how it was in a loveless world, as the world revolves around madness
it is love that keeps madness from revolving inside you

we met it seems such a long time ago, yet when i look back, i never stop smiling as it seems such a short time ago
it was the new year, we were in a house, an apartment
we all gathered and shared how the previous year treated us
we wrote our resolution and swore to never open it till next year

later, we went for some food and we walked, i was nervous and semi ran away
and that was when that, i never think of it anymore till one day
you sent me a message via a social networking site

February came soon enough
you gave us gifts, and yet i had the nerve to complain
but beneath all the complaints and fake anger i was happy since i was remembered
i even blogged about it so i’ll never forget

february went on and i remembered your heart problem
it went weak and so did i
i remembered crying as i read the blog post
the blog post that you erased a few months later

february again and i made my way to penang for training
i’ll never forget me packing all my belongings
i’ll never forget the last time i closed my room door
i’ll never forget how i silently wished it goodbye

march came soon enough and i was in (of all things) love
with (of all things) books
i still longed for the life i had in kampar and
i longed for you

it was in a rapid that i sent you that fateful text
one that i remembered
one that i sent to solve everything
to end everything

it brought the opposite effect
i never knew that in reality
i deserved it too

we had many fights and arguments
promises broken and remade once more

yet through it all
you have somehow became

my best friend
my true friend
my lover
my teacher
my reason for writing and living

xoxo
charm chew

ps: i can’t thank you enough, honestly

first

2010-11-08T20:55:00.003+08:00

there are a lot of firsts that we all have been through

sadly not everyone can remember all our firsts

like our first steps

our first words

our first feelings

but when it comes to love, we somehow

have a tendency to remember our first everything

the first time we realized we loved each other

the first time we dated

the first time we held hands

etc etc and so on and so forth

i have practically embedded in my head the first time i told you i loved you

i even went as far as to try and convince you to forget me cause that was the first time ever that i was so filled with guilt.

i still remember

as a little teenage girl

i was very shy and so i hid behind my always annoyed face

and try to avoid any form of self introduction

then i realized how happy my sister got

with boyfriends of theirs

and i stayed the strong single

and i even joked about it a lot just to show how comfortable i was with being single

and then you came along and literally turned me upside down

i was so busy trying to avoid you that i hated you

i hated you for being well

you

i hated everything you were because it kind of showed me how much i missed

you were what i hated because i realized that while annoyance can kill many things

it eventually won't work anymore

i hated you

you were trouble to me

and then you were my source of comfort

and now you're mine

i've never been happier

weaker for sure

but happier

i'm less aggressive

i'm nicer

i'm more affectionate

i'm more different

and i hate it

but for you i'd tone everything down

xoxo

charm chew

as short as i am

2010-11-06T21:14:00.001+08:00

obviously i have stopped updating on a daily basis
mainly because i have a job and someone to love
*suck that single life*

just got back from work today and went right to mellie's house to get ice cream that he made
yummehs

and we talked in the car
and we hugged in the car

ok la,

i'll spare you singletons from jealousy
cause i'm nice like that

instead, i'll torture with pictures!!!
*evil laughter*
ok fine, just one picture

yea, one big ass picture!!

xoxo
charm chew

girls

2010-10-30T10:12:00.001+08:00

if there is one thing that all girls can agree on, its their looks and how they dress

girls are obsessed with how they look
how they dress
what goes with what and so on and so forth

I’M A GIRL!!
so yes i am concerned of my looks

as long as i can remember, i always have short black (dark brown) hair
and there was a time where i was slapping on layers of eye shadow
and stuff on my hair like ribbons, hair ties, barrettes and even sun rays

i honestly remembered adding effects to my photos and thinking how awesome i look
then look back at them a few months or years later
and wishing i never did that

examples: this was when i was slapping on color on my eyes and face and stuff
circa late last year

gosh i still love that watch (till today i’m obsessed with white stuff)
hence the white phone, wallet, watch and hopefully one day, netbook in white

and then, there was the time where i was obsessed with making my photos overexposed to the max
example: circa middle of 2010

i honestly think i still look nice but who look like that in real life? honestly?

and then there were time when i just smiled, nothing on my face, just light
example: circa penang training

i guess i look okay

then i’m now obsessed with my hair color, not the condition but just the color
i freak when i can see the black roost even if its tiny as heck, i’d want to dye my hair again

example: circa now

and amazingly, i’m over the phase of make up
over the phase of adding stuff in my hair
over the phase of editing my photos to get an effect
over the phase of making sure every bit of hair i have on my head is of a certain color

now i’m having the time of my life looking neater than i woke up
without adding anything else

just looking like this

makes me happy, freckles, eye bags, and everything else

xoxo
charm chew

madness and whores

2010-10-29T21:19:00.002+08:00

sometimes, things are unplanned
and they either go smoothly regardless
or you face multiple bumps on the way

so today, me and emma made a PLANNNED trip to makiedon (McDonalds) for breaky (breakfast)

camwhore as always

she grabs all the food

then later we went for a walk around jusco
and we went to our family clinic to get her MCs
and i got another letter for my typhoid injection

then we got a call to fetch gramps to the clinic again for checkup
so we made an UNPLANNED trip to pasir putih and fetch them to the clinic

then me and emma went for lunch and we do what we do best
camwhore (which is always PLANNED)

see my super unawesome short fringe?

and then we were told to fetch yi from work which was UNPLANNED

but no matter how unplanned the day was, it went like it was planned, smooth as silk

outings

we’ve had a few outings this month and as always, me and emma are big camwhores

karaoke

and a picture of me and yi making dinner (we were making pasta sauce)

and i cut that weird extra long hair there earlier..

kitty cat ears

while walking around jusco today,
me and emma saw the cutest thing ever
i’ve wanted one since i don’t know when

we went to S&J and saw animal ears
i got the kitty one just cause it matches my hair color
and emma got minnie ears
i went home, tried it and took piccies

then i dragged yi to take piccies as well

she makes the craziest faces ever!!

so i pushed her aside (actually i told her to go away)
and i took my pictures alone (with her retard face occasionally behind)

stupid face

even more stupid face

i look so fair and sisters fat thighs behind

lookie short fringe

acting cute and retard face..

and then i just found out the mellie (melvin) loves kitty ears
i didn’t know when i bought it
and i think he might die looking at this..

speaking of mellie, he got me looking for danbo
damn cute wei that box fella

look at em

go search on google,
this thing is sho cute!!

xoxo
charm chew

torture

2010-10-26T21:06:00.003+08:00

torturing someone is not funny and should not be taken lightly

but sometimes my twisted brain just wants to think of it

sometimes my twisted brain can't help itself and it drowns me in those thoughts

sometimes my brain is a dark place

i would be lying if i said that i never ever thought of torturing the people i love

even if its someone i claim to love, i guess my brain just can't help it

sometimes my brain gets close to imagining pictures like the one above

or simple acts like cutting

anything as long as they show a terrfied face

my brain can think of it

i guess i am twisted after all

thanks brain

xoxo

charm chew

ps: am i the only one who can do this?

the little things

2010-10-25T21:37:00.004+08:00

no matter what we do or who we hold on to, its always the little things that matter. like and extra second on the kiss or the extra tightness in a hug or a larger smile to someone, these little details can mean just that, a little bit more

when we dream a a little more and cuddle a little bit closer, or love a little better and meant things a little more, when we keep a little more promise and go a little further, when you move a little closer or be there a while more, they can mean just that, a little bit more

a promise is a promise

a promise broken is a promise broken

but when will a promise broken be the last?

under certain circumstances, a promise may not necessarily be broken on purpose

but the hurt may sting a little more

then anger may boil a little longer

the regret may stay a while more

they say to never do things just because you're angry

does that mean i have to kill myself because i'm angry?

what if i'm disguising my hurt with anger?

does that count?

if only for a lifetime i could make somethings last a little longer

or make something mean a little more

possibly understand a persons actions a little more

treat someone a little more humane

stroke a guinea pig with a little more love

let my first successful drive out last a little longer

stressed a little less

hated a little lesser

loved a little more

rested a little more peaceful

dreamt a little more of thing that make me happy

woke up a little less grouchy

kiss a little more passionately

if only i could understand that all it takes is to answer a minute later to destroy things

if only i could knock in my head about the fact that you're human

if i could realize sooner that you needed time

maybe i could have saved a little more

xoxo

charm chew

escape

2010-10-24T21:35:00.002+08:00

i know that i have been writing a lot about love rubbish so i decided today that i shall not write about love related things, rather i shall present a crazy ass idea

one day my friend and i were texting then he suggested the idea of switching bodies and what we would do

i remember me not being completely honest because i'm nice like that, not

anyway he said the he'll go through my wardrobe

then take a shower since he never had the chance to wash long hair before

(seriously dude, my hair is not long)

then he said he'll discover my body which i think he gonna molest himself in my body

then he'll try and make me fatter.

see how much my tummy can fit

sigh, if we switch bodies, fml

and out of curiosity, i googled switch bodies

(actually i googled it so i can get piccies but the results were too interesting to ignore

and honestly rather ridiculous

sigh, bloody westerners and their crazy minds

i swear that they are so crazy, majority of aliens want to visit only them and their leader

xoxo

charm chew

experience

2010-10-20T22:32:00.001+08:00

you know how people just wake up and do their stuff for the day and move on with their lives?

then after a few years, they feel like they have not done anything with their lives at all

besides working their asses off

heck they probably aren't even happy with their job

they probably hate it from the get go

anyway, you already know that i was looking through the older messages from my older phone

we broke up on the 12th of july

then on the 20th of july

you reintroduced yourself to me

as just a mere friend

it was funny since you did say that you could not bear the thought of being "just friends"

you went on to describe yourself and your love for beautiful interior and speed

to how lavender calms you as it reminds you of yourself as a kid

from then on we went through a lot as friends

from your mom getting a tumor that could kill her

to it being non cancerous and fine

from the tear in you leg due to the accident

to your leg being fine

from your lessons of being happy

to applications of said lessons in life

from enemies to best friends

even through times when you walked under the rain to wait for the bus

all written down in texts

from you wanting to kill alex

to realizing that it was wrong and will always be wrong

up till now

i realize that it has not even been a year since we met

and it seems like years

we had some awesome times

we had a lot of bad times

but through it all

even to date, i still look at you as a person

who can be weak

who can come up clean

cleanse his blog and thoughts

start afresh

become new again

who isn't scared to tell other that you are weak and you need support

xoxo

charm chew

ps: from an e-mail i sent to my friend.. got permission to use it

whatever i was

2010-10-19T22:41:00.002+08:00

i remembered my early blogging years when i used friendster blogs

was looking through and i saw this post

dear death

October 29th, 2007

dear death,

i know how ppl hate you for taking away wat they loved.. i hated you too before this…

dear death,

i wish to thank you.. through you i know how little love we show to those we claim to love when they were once alive…

dear death,

i wish to say thanks for the death of bijou the female hamster.. we did a burial and that made me thought of her far deeper than a puddle..

dear death,

where do you learn to suprise everyone?? you appear in the least expected moment of our dull-till-something-good-happens lives… you bring the orgasm of exitement in.. one that makes us high with sorrow and knocks our sober self in…

dear death,

do you have a masterplan or a master to who you listen to??? i would love to meet him indeed… he makes us all unite and seperate.. return to leave.. he is indeed a master of his craft.. i wonder if he could accept me to be his apprentice like you…

dear death,

you are an object of fascination and hate… a thing which we embrace with fear… drowned with thoughts of afterlife and numb our ability to focus on the present for that moment..

dear death,

you scare every and me but for this time i wpuld like to thank you.. through you… i learn to let go… you help me empty out the lost souls and replace them with new ones that are to depart with me or earlier or later than me..

dear death,

i hope that when i reach your path… i hope that everyone i know can suffer like you suffered when hatried becomes your staple food… i hope it numbs them till the littlest drop of blood remaind absent with their feelings of sympathy… only to return after a while… to have their humanity acting as a stranger…recieved with open arms … during my death

and i still want to thank death

i am so weird

xoxo
charm chew

being in love

2010-10-19T19:55:00.002+08:00

you know how they say that being in love is wonderful

and how love is blind

and how love is what humans spend most of their lives searching high and low for?

what happens when you stop looking cause you found

something so precious that you seem to forget your terrible quest of searching

someone so awesome that you forget how you lived before them

love goes against everything right

love makes you crazy

love is a drug

love is why we are alive

love is everything and nothing

love is the best feeling

loosing love is like losing everything you have and having to live through the pain

well, there are types of love that hurt you

love can cure you

love can break you down

love can bring out the best and worst in you

but today

love brought out the happiest time for me

i love it when you leave messages on your wall that i know were meant for me

i love it when you spend the extra time to tell me what i already know

i love it when you are with people yet your mind is surrounded by thoughts of me

i love it when i can run to you in my worst

i love it when you try to comfort me and evn if it backfires, i love the effort

i love us being best friends regardless of our past

i love it when i wake up hugging my sheets and realize that i just dreamt that i was hugging you

i love it when i wake up at anytime of the day and your message is the first thing i see

i love it when you run to me for comfort and you needed me

i love it when you show how human you are and not the extra tough person everyone perceives

there is so many things i love but for now

you should know that i like loving you..

xoxo

charm chew

re dying hair…

2010-10-16T17:08:00.001+08:00

incase you have not noticed,
my hair color is getting more and more awful
due to fading

example of before and after

before (before dying)

goodbye silky smooth no need to comb but also ok looking hair

hello reddish auburn hair

and then hello fading hair color

horrible horrible

so i went to a pharmacy and got myself
revlon colorsilk medium auburn (42)

and younger sis helped me do my hair

the dye that looked like clotted blood

and how it looks like now
super loves it in the sun, shiny…
but super lots tangles too

oh well, i dun really want healthy hair anyway so why bother eh??

xoxo
charm chew

lantern festival

2010-10-16T17:07:00.001+08:00

lantern festival happened ages and ages ago
so that proves how behind i am on blogging about all these things
all i had to do was transfer the photos from my phone to the computer and i can start
so that proves how lazy i have become

so we celebrated with family and mostly my youngest sisters friends

candles are a must
fire is a must
burning is a must too

that is one of emma’s “brothers”
no relation to me whatsoever

older sister with her i heart boyfriend t-shirt
she is still single by the way…
anyone???

candles all in a row!!
kind of seems like Chinese deepavali eh?

and we proceed to lanterns

and more lanterns

older sister hanging a lantern

oh did i mention that afterwards i went a little crazy
and i burnt all the lanterns on purpose
yea, crazy person writing this
but it was fun to me so shut up!!

took picture and can you see how much my hair dye has faded
its such an ugly brownish color
yucky.. i want red hair!!

took piccies by the pool…

and then i called it a night

xoxo
charm chew

funny funny nightmares

2010-10-16T17:03:00.001+08:00

i have had vivid dreams recently
they were not that scary
they didn’t make me cry
they didn’t really scare me that much

rather they interest and confuse me a little

the first night involved me and a few friends working at a hotel
we stayed at the accommodation give by the company

so we decided to walk out for dinner and discover the area..
and we found out that we stayed opposite a strip club
the building looked normal in the morning but by evening
it was like built with glass and i could see everything

from the outside, i saw a guy on the stripper pole
he had a biker jacket on and his penis was like super long
and for some reason, maybe cause i’m perverted as well,
i just stared at his penis and noticed that it was a strap on cause it looks like he has 2 penises

thats all i remember and the place was filled with pink lights and the dude has like snake eyes
and the people around him were ladies that looked like strippers
they just stood there and a few of em were dancing to the music

funny… hmmm

day two

i had a dream that i was driving somewhere
to a function of some sort
then i was suppose to cycle back

why i don’t know i just did
and it was me cycling on a tricycle

a tall tricycle
and as i cycled, there were a few bad guys
3 actually (why must they always be in 3 one ar?)
so i cycled into a school classroom…
there i was safe and i didn’t see the guys anymore

then for some reason, i remember that i had to cycle back to get my car
and i just continue to cycle, by then the guys were chasing me
but they were only close
like no matter how slow or fast i cycle, they were still the same distance from me
then suddenly, the sun rose and i was at the road near ave maria (ipoh there la)

and i was in a car then i remember that i had to fetch some friends from the function and i woke up

i really want to interview my brain, dunno what the heck am i dreaming…

awesome pink tortoise bun

2010-10-16T16:33:00.001+08:00

the other day, my grandma called us
and asked us if we wanted the oink tortoise buns that we loved as kids

i told her that i’ll come and get it during my break
we went before work started because we didn’t really know the way to the temple that they were at
funny thing is, we have been to the temple since we were kids
the floors had like little mosaic lotus flowers
we loved to jump from one to another one as kids and still do *embarrassed*

so me being the smart blogger i am, decided to take piccies

they mixed the ingredients, i bet you have never seen this before

then they roll it out and let it rest (let the yeast do the job of eating up the sugars and expand the dough)
(proud of self for remembering what she learned once in baking and pastry)

then they shape everything
the round body, legs and tail

this is the station in charge of making the feet and tails

then they cut 3 holes to make the eyes and mouth
stuff 2 of em with beans to make the eyes

then they spray it pink

and then they steam in then we eat it

i didn’t manage to make it for the steaming time
but here are a few of the cuties before steaming

and here is a picture of a jumping cutie

and it all happened here

xoxo
charm chew

phones

2010-10-16T12:11:00.003+08:00

yes, the tittle is phones and no

i have not gotten a new phone

still loving my white nokia e5

it is after all the only phone that i love

its white

it has qwerty keypad

and its mine

thats why i love it

and the proud thing i get is this

every time i enter a nokia shop

pictures of my phone are being plastered everywhere

and i keep boasting and saying that i have that phone

anyway back to the point

so my older sister got her new nokia c3 a few days ago

and it sucks

i hate it

i hate the color

i hate the way it looks

i hate its functions

i just hate it all

and she got it in the blue black ugly color

but whatever cause she loves it so fine

but even after just 1 day, w had to bring it to nokia care due to the facebook, twitter apps and wlan connection problems

just when i was looking up to nokia

lucky for me, my white beauty e5 is still fine and nothing had happened to it

so i decided to give nokia another chance

thinking maybe my sis was just unlucky

cause nothing happened to mine

a second chance

just wait till wednesday to see how it is

speaking of second chances

you peeps remember this bastard?

from this post

where i keep oozing lovey dovey goodness

(yuck)

and remember hw i was talking about giving second chances

yea, still contemplating

cause he asked..

and as always

the last decision is up to me

a quote from paramore: "i can feel the pressure"

gosh back to thinking

and sorry for the lack of pictures

do you have any idea how hard it is to post a picture post

and i still have other posts that i have not done

about the pink tortoise bun posts

lantern festival posts

and just sisters posts

and i'm not even a full time blogger...

xoxo

charm chew

dumb as heck

2010-10-12T19:46:00.001+08:00

you were supposed to come along but as always i said things, i made nothing seem like something. maybe i question you like i didn't want you to come, i accused you of being something you're not..

now i have only me to blame, should have known better.. i guess me dying is something to look forward to, at least then i won't ruin it for anyone

i won't ruin it for yi,

i won't ruin it for felicia

i won't ruin it for you

my middle name should have been ruiner

charmaine chew ruiner min

and all i can do now is sigh...

but sighing won't fix anything

its all i can so..

and i reduce myself to tears at night

just to make ME feel better

pitying MYSELF

when in actual fact

i should pity YOU

for having me as a friend

i'm not a good friend

i'm not a good person

i'm nothing worthy

i'm a bitch...

and now i have to pay for it

xoxo

charm chew

pedestal

2010-10-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

when people i care for feel down and sad, i sometimes try to cheer them up

i suppose i have sort of expected someone to cheer me up while i was feeling down this time

maybe my expectation were a little to high and i kept convincing myself that it was alright

it was alright to trash my friends and throw my sadness at them

it was alright to tell them off without even a hit of thinking twice just because i was upset

it was alright to test their patience and protect my reasons for being upset

it was alright to push them to the limit as they should understand it

well, it was NOT alright

nothing about it was alright

my uncle asked if i was ok

and in return i ignored him

ironically, the main reason why i was upset was because it seems everyone was ignoring me

jenny told me to think positive and not cage myself in self pity

i told her that blogging was my way of repairing myself

she went on to repeating her previous message and told me that if i wanted a great friend, i needed to be a great friend myself

and i questioned her definition of a great friend

i thought that if i was brave enough to withstand the pain before death, i'd kill myself and even then, nobody would care, nothing would be moved to tears

melvin told me that he would care..

i made him stop caring

for almost the whole day today

melvin was trying his best to cheer me up

he excused himself for picking bad choices of words

he apologized for not being good at consoling me

he told me countlessly how much i meant to him and i question them all

and now he refuses to talk to me

i was so looking forward to our meeting with other friends the following sunday

but after this happened, i don't know if i should be

or if i should even go

i used to have someone

i abused em

i mistreated em

i left em

i tested em

i pushed em too far

and now i can't pull em back

i've finally lost a friend

and i did it all by myself

and all i'm wondering now is:

are we still friends?

ignored part 2

2010-10-07T18:20:00.000+08:00

Feeling ignored and neglected
Seeing you talking to then ignoring me
But once you're alone you turn to me
At that moment feeling needed and wanted
But soon it'll all go away less than a second
Feeling like you've traded me for something better
Not even noticing me anymore
I'm just like a trash can you just walk by
Throwing ignorance and emptiness inside me
Not even caring how I feel inside
Just worrying about only yourself and that other thing
Now I don't even care how you feel anymore
I'll just put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy
Even though inside I feel ignored, annoyed of, mad, careless
But why should you know? You don't even care
So whatever you'll come around again..
See you until then...

source: http://www.friendship-poems.com/poems.php?id=1123425

xoxo

charm chew

ignored

2010-10-07T00:33:00.003+08:00

in a way, i supposed that there is something on my forehead

something i cannot see

something that everyone else can

maybe my forehead sent everyone a subliminal message everyday

just a stronger one today

maybe i don't see what they see

maybe my forehead somehow tells everyone to ignore me

ALMOST COMPLETELY!!

i'm getting to the cheesy lines now

you know the ones where emo kids chant like prayers

the ones that sound like this

nobody loves me

nobody cares about me

nobody likes me

nobody ever wants me around them

makes me wish that nobody was an actual person

i have gone through days like this before

this isn't the first time honestly

if you are that bored, you can see lots of my posts on this blog just saying how ignored i feel

how i feel like not even a single soul could acknowledge my existence for fear of the inevitable

for example, this

and this too

and not forgetting this one

even a short one like this

so it is true

no one ever will bust this myth turn fact

xoxo

charm chew

nothingness

2010-10-05T18:20:00.002+08:00

i know i know

long time never update again...

so this has to be an update to this post

continuation

handphones

see some customers just come and sit then call people and then just talk and talk and talk

even when there is a person next to them to talk to and the poor person there has to just look all over...

cheapos

i hate hate cheapos who come and act like they own the place then proceeds to make extra ordinary requests and go to the extend where even the friendliest service staff will wish to fuck and scold them...

thats all for now

xoxo

charm chew

google search

2010-09-28T21:49:00.002+08:00

i guess in a way, i've made the internet rather significant in my life

i don't really remember what i did before this miracle of a thing came along

the first website i went on to was probably the mtv website and disney website

to watch nusic videos and play silly online games

i was even hooked on yahooligans at one point

and that was also where i watched porn...

still do sometimes

but it gets repetitive and boring

anyways, i've gotten so used to searching for stuff online

i actually went to google "how to make a friend happy" recently

cause one of my friends was feeling rather down

and these are the results

yes i went to that extent

i didn't click on any of the results

cause after that i just though to myself

i have such a lame life...

so how do you make a friend happy? especially when you have no idea what made them unhappy in the first place?

what if you were unhappy the night before and he was there with his hand and shoulder for you to lean on and hold but you just acted like you always do, tough girl who don't need nobodies help?

what if they decided to take revenge and now tells you that they don't need your help?

sigh, life was so much easier and harder with snail mail

maybe i should click on one of those results after all..

hmm

xoxo

charm chew

recently

2010-09-21T21:01:00.001+08:00

what have i done recently?
honestly, not much.
but there are a few special events
and lucky for you, i took pictures..
so consider this a semi picture post

so went for dinner with family the other day
something which i have not done in a long while

after ordering, we snapped photos
and while eating we snapped
even after eating we snapped pictures

older sis finishing her sharks fin soup or something

younger sis devouring her pao and acting chio at the same time

parents love..

twin sis (oh yea, i finally got around to changing my hair color)

this is my lame attempt at trying to make a funny face without looking ridiculous and stupid

blur funny face shot

and now i’m finally driving to work on a daily basis
so practice and practice and practice
getting more confident at driving

so i drove us halfway out the other day
younger sis drove us to mcdonalds for breakfast
and this is how she parks

talk about close proximity eh?

and we camwhored there as well

picture took using lil sis’s SE phone because
nokia e5 will show a picture like this

oh darling e5, it is good to know that you have flaws as well..

and on sunday, we 3 devils went shopping at ipoh parade
i felt vain and got a pair of fake glasses that don’t have any degree in em

and yes i am wearing the same shirt again, i just love that shirt so much
so yea, specky and non specky..

took this while lil sis drove us to cocooon for lunch
wai goh was all alone that day so i decided to go up and help him for a while
i got carbonara, my all time fav

while ordering…

and since this month is my last month at cocooon, i decided to take pictures of it
partially yi’s idea too

i will miss that place

renee, maha and me
(me and maha are the only girls in the kitchen)
amaze balls huh??

yesterday during break, me and yi decided to go to jusco
i wanted to check if they have paramore brand new eyes there
and we went to kahve (our former workplace)

proud owner of it finally

gone specky again

and yi,
we finally got a chance to sit at the booths

yi with her i heart nerds with a smurf shirt

and she took pictures of me semi eating
i’m just posting it cause i think i look kinda cute

yea, look it my pouty lips..

i was eating the mash and then… snap..
i honestly wish i had to wear spectacles so i can wear these all day
every freaking day..

and this is from a long time ago,

went to 100 yen with lil sis and mummy
and we got these
super duper yummeh

this was back when i still had dark brown hair (aka natural hair color)

okay, finally leaving you with a comparison photo of my hair
before and after…
cause i’m feeling vain like that

before (that my dad at the side looking bored)

during (back view)

after, please ignore fugly face

after a few days…

recent picture…

xoxo
charm chew

updating a dead blog

2010-09-17T10:03:00.002+08:00

i know i know.. been a long time since i actually wrote something...

i've just been so busy with work and stuff

and yes its time for another phone update

by phone update meaning... well, i hope you remember this post

so i got a new phone and i'm updating the list

so it the previous post regarding this topic,

i said that my dream phone then would be a w999i from SE

but then everything changed and then suddenly i had a whole list of dream phones

ranging form omnia by samsung

to icecream also by samsung

then there was the time where all i wanted was a touch screen phone

and i never got around to it financially

nor did i ever remembered it

i was just obsessed with it then time passed and i forgot all about it

long story short..

i went from nokia to SE and back to nokia again

i got the nokia e5.. for real this time

and i got it in white..

and i love love love it...

i know that it can go online via wifi so there is no excuse not to update this blog

infact, the previous post was done via this baby...

xoxo

charm chew

nokia e5

2010-09-16T17:14:00.000+08:00

i got myself my dream phone...

but i trusted you

2010-08-29T20:34:00.006+08:00

do you know how it feels like to trust someone so much that you literally believe that your own flesh and blood will be protected as long as they are there in your absence?

do you know how much to give in terms of trust to a friend?

and finally, do you know exactly how to feel when that trust has been cracked or damaged or tainted even in the tiniest way

come to think of it, there is no tiniest crack to trust

when its gone, its gone and you have to start all over

its like a broken heart you never want to admit its presence

but its still there for you to look at

for you to feel

for you to repair

for you to know that its real.

then what?

how should you feel?

angry?

sad?

disappointed?

confused?

non nonchalant?

act like it doesn't matter?

ignore it?

annoyed?

proud?

pick one

or rather arrange in sequence

sadness replaces anger

and then you realize the secret message that you've been trying to avoid coming true

you REALLY are all alone

even with the physical bodies caressing against your aura

even as you step on tiles that were white

make your mark jet black across other marks

maybe those shoe prints that you leave are the only thing you can connect between yourself and another

and then they get washed away and all thats left are tiles

white tiles

clean as heaven

the only place you have not tainted

the only place where prints are not needed

where loneliness is extinct

and through it all

you finally see that you are worthless and hopeless

you see 273 friends proving what you feared most

273 friends leaving you all alone

273 friends. only connected by links

there were 273, and then there were NONE.

xoxo

charm chew

me on goings

2010-07-31T20:49:00.001+08:00

it was the day after work and i went for dinner with my family and some relatives
namely grandparents

after that, dad took me and emma to gk pub in greentown for a little alcohol therapy
i shared 1 bucket of Heineken with emma

and we camwhored since a table of god knows how much was booking the karaoke like its theirs

me and the ultra smexy emma (errr….)

a little taste of gold

and if you are wondering, yes i did get a little woopsy, i got this vomiting feeling so i went to the restroom
and for some odd reason, i just sat on the floor there
it felt better a little
but i made it home anyway and i just slept
without a shower
without changing
just slept and it was gone in the morning

moving on

we went to jusco a while ago and we had lunch there at the chinese restaurant next to maybank
then we went to the happiest nerdiest craziest place we know
popular bookstore
we got emma some books and we just looked around

they were looking for the word “fuck”
cause i told them thatst how we know we got a excellent dictionary
and we all laughed
even mum was a little giggly, but she had to pretend to be mad
and failed anyway, we said the word and i noticed people giving us stares afterwards
”fuck you!!!” lol

she photo-boomed me
but oh well, she looks silly
and i just look naturally stupid
love the dollie

silly silly girls
yes, we snapped more photos than read books
hey, we’re cool girls… (err….)

then later we went to McD for ice creams

i can haz eyes creme

om nom nom nom

mummy is chio

next stop

i went to kampar on monday to get my student id
esther took us around
we went to tesco and went to sushi king for lunch
i had the salmon steak (at that time,i had salmon for 3 days in a row and was getting slightly addicted and sick of it)

one of my staff lunch that i can’t remember from when

and we saw Felicia and Nicholas and one of their friends

then i took the bus back
the lighting was kind of good
i made it better by editing it on my phone

still loving the super exposed pictures obviously
and still stupid looking… excellent (err….)

went home and camwhored again
super exposed again

one more

and finally, yesterday

i took away dinner from work
mummy had lamb shank
and me and yi had salmon with aglio olio

and yi snapped artsy fartsy pictures
while i just took this

yummeh…

end with a big ass photo of me

xoxo
charm chew

ANNOYING

2010-07-26T22:28:00.002+08:00

i have found a lot of stuff can really annoy me

so i am gonna list them all and maybe some of them match what annoys you

then we can be real close friends

not according to order or degree of annoyance

babies

ok, babies don't really annoy me, but when they poop or pee or needs cleaning or cry or scream and shout or hit you for no reason and everything else besides being cute... they should DIE!! seriously kid... shut it..

stupid music

you know it, there are some music out there that you just hate.. i particularly hate the music that involves hotel, motel and girlfriends in a room having sex.. gosh, everytime i hear that, i wanna break something, even bones...

awkward feelings

god, these kill me inside, honestly.. you never know what to do, if you should even consider breaking it.. its so annoying cause there is no right thing t do in these situations but everything you may do is just wrong..

customers

ok, so i don't hate customers per se, i just hate it when they get rude and order you around like you're their maid or like you're theirs to order around.. seriously, fuck you too.. i'm not yours to order and you think just cause i'm a server i have to be polite all the time and so you test my patience? ya, fuck you..

overstaying

i absolutely find people who overstay their invite to be extremely annoying and a special place in hell should be made to house these people, its just the same as awkward feeling cause you have to act interested and be polite and nice and you gotta hold in that yawn..

fat people

ya, ok not all fat people are bad. ie: vincent isn't bad.. what i mean is fat people who think they are so slim and thin. seriously get a real mirror and stop being so delusional, start being honest to yourself and admit that you are that size

boring people

ugh, these people should just DIE and not exist. i mean you gotta act nice, hold that yawn and be super interested. you can't tell them that they are boring or they will emo like shit. so for me, i will hold the yawn but if i can't hold it anymore, i have to tell or just yawn, and if i yawn and you still don't get it, should i just yawn right in your face then?

Christian songs

fact, hate em for the life of me. hate the messages in it, hate the song. hate how everyone mumbles like they know the song (ok so maybe they do) and try to somehow alienate those who don't know the words, hate how they try to be mainstream, just face it, you're just as boring as old songs. and they keep coming back to the same core in terms of meaning.. boring, and i hate boring people..

waiting like forever

i don't think i need to further explain this. fuck these people.

when my questions are left unanswered or they just ignore me completely

this just makes me angry and annoyed and i'll probably show a sour face for the rest of the day, and congrats cause you just turned a good day to a bad day for me or rather a bad day to a more fucked up day.. oh and did i mention FUCK YOUR LIFE AND THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY..

xoxo

charm chew

getaway

2010-07-23T00:43:00.003+08:00

i'm very sure you all remember michelle branch

she sung "everywhere" and i remember i loved her

then she just managed to slip my mind

till recently

so i got a song by her and timbaland

its called getaway

love it loads and i've been listening to it all day long

on another note

i'm currently in a funny situation

so i broke up a while ago and i wanted to be just friends with the guy (yea i'm sure you know who i'm referring to, otherwise, i just feel this sting of not close-less-ness between us)

and back then he said it would hurt him to just be friends which basically means i either be his or just get the fuck outta his life, i picked the latter (er duh!)

but a few days ago, while i was working, i got a text from him. it wrote "hi i'm melvin". so long story short, he said he wanted to be friends.

honestly till now, i don't know if i should. i mean i've been distracting myself so much with work (which is actually really fun fyi) and my mind is on auto pilot hate him mode.

oh yea, i told my older sis to get stickers for me in kampar cause she got me addicted to em and this is how my netbook cover looks like as of now, she helped me stick the stickers on and i'm discovering new stickers that i never noticed before. and i really can't stop looking at it

speaking of my computer, i found this new cool thing that it can do

i just press ALT+CTRL+UP

and it turns everything

its hard to explain but it really cool and awesome

does your netbook or laptop or computer do that too?

let me know

and i reconnected with geordie (ya you probably don't know what or who that is)

its someone i met online

we used to chat on msn a lot before i went for my training in penang

then we had stuff to do and we stopped

then recently i saw he was online and i started chatting again (heck we're chatting now even)

its nice to reconnect with people

and i kinda miss my little niece and nephew

and i miss the old 90's songs that were so simple

i miss music that had meaning

music that talked about other stuff besides sex, parties, girls, materials

i'm rambling now

i should sleep and dream..

xoxo

charm chew

overexposed

2010-07-12T22:26:00.004+08:00

so i'm sick today

together with my mummy and youngest sister

went to the doc all the way in bercham from meru

just cause she is like the best doc ever and she is like a friend to us

got medicine and obvious advice to stay away from

fried

spicy

food.. gonna be kinda hard but oh well

got runny nose, little bit of fever and sore throat

so i can hz smexy voice

and then came home and took pictures of me..

overexposed but i like it

and another one

super like this one...

missing work actually, i guess i'm so used to working on mondays

stupid sickness..

okay, better rest now.. tomorrow i'm gonna be an assistant chef once more

looking forward indeed...

xoxo

charm chew

today

2010-07-01T21:30:00.002+08:00

i guess i just scream

today

xoxo

charm chew

cocooon

2010-06-27T00:23:00.002+08:00

so working at cocooon is awesome fun

even more fun than kahve if i may say so myself

so i was a server at kahve

but i'm a chef at cocooon

and honestly, its way way fun

and update: i broke up with melvin

yes i did that

i'm cold and cruel and blah blah whatever

but i really didn't think it was gonna work anyway

so cut it short and safe me some time

been drowning myself in the fun-ness of work

kinda help in the hurt process

actually, i don't feel hurt whatsoever

am i normal.. hmm

anyway, work is fun

tiring but way way fun

i do wake up mostly looking forward to it

i just hate it when vincent scares me

makes me scream

but then they all make me laugh and all is forgiven

and according to my older sister, i got a little bit fat

awesome or what

finally lol

xoxo

charm chew

friendships are a sinkin

2010-06-24T20:28:00.004+08:00

you know what i realized?

my friends from college are either working

or studying

and when we promised to keep in touch

it was just cheep sayings to calm each other of the tiny insignificant loss that we were facing

what seemed large then

was just a lie and i fell hard for it

we used to be together every night

in the same place

under the same roof

in the same room

we used to be together everyday

although not every second

we used to share feelings

and tell each other honestly how we felt

we used to be WE

i missed the trips and outings

i miss being in classes just talking

i missed you all for so long

i just didn't realize how much till now

i miss my friends

xoxo

charm chew

...

2010-06-12T01:30:00.001+08:00

i hate you and then i end up loving you again

now, i just hate you

now, i just can't believe i loved you bofore

maybe in the morning

xoxo

charm chew

new hobby: cuddling

2010-06-03T21:25:00.003+08:00

went back to kampar today to settle some billing stuff

to help my sister pack her stuff back

and to sweat a lot..

i think i got a real good tan from the sun today

and real stinky beads of water everywhere

managed to realize how outta shape i am

how popular i am in the bursary department

to find myself a brand new hobby

a hobby i never though i would like, ever

cuddling

xoxo

charm chew

my heart

2010-06-01T22:42:00.006+08:00

i made a mistake but you took it as your own,

i kept saying i'm sorry and you told me to stop,

i tried to be happy after and you helped me,

i asked for another go and you gave me one right away.

i was cold and you felt it,

you ask me why and i bluffed by saying i wasn't so,

i told you i can't smile now but you painted one for me,

i hurt you endlessly and you let me.

i broke your heart and embedded more scars,

i made you sad and laughed cruelly,

i made your heart bleed and flow with blood,

i made your eyes become wet with emotions.

you fixed your heart and made mine better,

you let me laugh and got happy at my happiness,

you applied pressure to your wound,

you try to hide your sadness from me.

i never properly thank you,

i promised to every time,

i keep saying how i feel sad for not doing so,

you keep telling me to keep hoping for another time.

i like you may not know what love really is

unlike you,

i never knew how it is supposed to be like,

unlike you,

i never felt anything quite like this,

unlike you,

i am feeling this for the first time.

i may not know what true love is,

i may not know how it feels like,

but i do know people spend their lives searching for it,

but i know that i may have found it the first time round

and i know you won't let me go,

and i know you will wait,

and i know you will be right behind me

and i know i am holding on to you now

but i know there are times where i let go

those are the times where it hurts you

but i know you will never ever let me go

and i know you keep my promises away

till i come back to heal you again

till i surrender to your love

till i fall for you again

till all i want is you

holding me

beside me

loving

i am thankful because i dared to tell you how i felt that night

i am thankful because you slowly grabbed me into your life

i am thankful because you are willing to love me

i am thankful because you are with me

because you cared for my heart more than i for yours

because you tried to show me love even though you don't know how love is

because the name melvin chow jin hoong can make me happy

because the name melvin chow jin hoong can make me sad

because the name melvin chow jin hoong can make me angry

because the name melvin chow jin hoong can make me mad

because the name melvin chow jin hoong can make me lucky

because the name melvin chow jin hoong can make me feel loved

because the name melvin chow jin hoong belongs to the person who holds my heart

xoxo

charm chew

working

2010-05-28T11:44:00.002+08:00

working is fun at times and the end result is always good

one of the good things i can find working at kahve jusco is

when i come early, i can bring my laptop and go online while waiting for my shift to start.. fun wei..

called yi to snap photo just now...

she is not too happy.. dunno why..

just blabbering now...

xoxo

charm chew

shoes of a beggar

2010-05-23T23:59:00.003+08:00

have you ever though about how it really feels like to be in another persons shoes?

how about how it feels like to be in a beggars shoes for a change?

beggars are not as invisible as we think or as we like them to be

they are there within our sight

we don't wanna notice them but we do anyway

as a kid, we always ask our parents about them

who are they?

what do they do?

why are they here?

then sometimes, our parents would give us bits of cash and we'll dunk it into the many kinds of containers these strangers carry

and then for that moment, it feels like we saved the world

we never want to rub anything with these strangers

when they approach us, we move aside and ignore them

as we grow older, we start to hate these people.

we become stingy and decided to not give them anything

but what if the beggar looks familiar?

what do we do then?

do we treat them like rubbish as always?

de we treat them like a person in need of help?

do we treat them like a human being?

what do we do?

what if the beggar you see is someone you know?

your friend?

your relative?

yourself?

what do you do then?

xoxo

charm chew

he said, she said

2010-05-21T17:34:00.002+08:00

she said:

you know i'll hug you in a second if you wanted to and by now you should know that i'd be bothered if you're silent.. i love you and you're slicing my heart if you ever doubt that now, for now, i'm not loosening this grip cause i'd be heartless if i did..

she said:

you're my first and like you, i do hope you're my last.. nothing lasts forever but i hope we last as long as i wake up the next morning..

she said:

if i were with you now, i'd grab you and hug you in a heartbeat, i'd kiss your cheek if i have to and i'd make you a victim of my love =)

she said:

i love you Melvin Chow, i mean it with all my heart this time.. everyday i fall harder for you and even though it hurts sometimes, i'm happy you're there to kiss my boo boo..

he said:

i love you too, that silly girl who not only fill my thoughts about her but occasionally invading my dreams. i love you, that cute little girl who restored my heart to its former pumping glory. i love you, that naughty girl who pinched me out from the dark days to the rainbows. i love you chew chew shu shu min min. =)

he said:

i can feel it in you dear. that is what kept me believing. i don't know how to describe it, i just know. it's like sixth or seventh sense

i ♥ you melvin chow

xoxo

charm chew

music post

2010-05-13T11:22:00.004+08:00

PARAMORE ROCKS!!!

even my guinea pig thinks so...

right dum dum??

(you better agree you rodent or no food for you)

some of the songs i love from their album (brand new eyes)

ignorance

brick by boring brick

the only exception

careful

playing god

and i found an awesome song

its called terrified

by katharine mcphee and zachary levi

and we'll be a dream

by we the kings and demi lovato

finally has a video

i love love it...

end

xoxo

charm chew

ps: i decided not to post the videos here cause it will take a long time to load

so i posted link instead.

zomg

2010-05-07T13:13:00.002+08:00

it has been so hot lately

i mean really hot

the weather here is horrible

since the first time i came back from penang

no wait, since i got off at penang

the dry spell has been following me

the heat

hate it...

so mr rain, i welcome you

dear heat and sun, please go away for now

get the fuck out

xoxo

charm chew

the nanny

2010-05-01T15:35:00.004+08:00

been watching the nanny again on hallmark
gosh she is good and
she never gets old

i've watched her for years and i still watch her
man, old tv shows were good...
why don't they make tele like that anymore

now its all crime fighting cops
who act super cool
or reality shows
or shows about the rich people and their problems

thank god for wipeout...
laugh non stop
confirm...

i super duper honestly without a doubt really think i love wipeout more than anything else

xoxo
charm chew

ps: had ABC soup with rice yesterday for dinner
and i added too much belacan into my bowl and
i sweated like i just walked back from traders hotel to my hostel under the sun without an umbrella... phew...

untitled for a reason

2010-04-25T13:12:00.004+08:00

i don't miss the buildings or the coolness that the air conditioner brings,
i don't miss the hallways with walls painted halfway green,
i don't miss the stories of people that once were,
but i miss the friends i made and the ties we once shared.

though older in age and wiser in mind,
we bonded like a mother to her child,
we saw things and made fun of actions,
and yet right now, i wish for nothing more than a reflection.

a glimpse into,
a sight so true,
though only 2 months old,
i feel like i always had your hand to hold.

i loved and hated both at once,

i hugged and cried both at once,

but i never felt love from strangers before,

and its through you strangers that i felt the strongest of all.

though once i felt like an intruder,

and i felt like running every time i enter,

you opened your arms and tempted me in,

and that was when the bond begins.

you all will be missed

everyone from traders hotel

even those i don't know yet,

you have melted this tiny ice princesses heart and made it warm.

thanks

xoxo

charm chew

i love

2010-04-15T21:31:00.001+08:00

i dunno why i just realized i love talking to my mami on facebook...
missing her, and miss talking to her

at least now i have one extra topic to talk with her
boys!!!
mami be my therapist ok??

gosh only now do i see how much i miss my mami
absence does make me miss her...

having bak kut teh date with her as soon as i get back to ipoh...
om nom nomsss

xoxo
charm chew

a housekeepers work is never done

2010-04-12T21:25:00.002+08:00

for real la

today was the last day for me and meikien

and we hated every moment of it

housekeeping staff

well, some were awesome and some not so awesome la

but the awesome ones made it bearable

so i fell sick for 3 days during this department

fever much lo..

and 2 days were given to banquet cause we help their function all

so means i spent the least amount of days here la

so we cleaned rooms

did laundry chute and stuff la

and i did learn stuff about me

i really hate smokers

i can tell which room was previously inhabited by smokers

cause they smoke

IN THE ROOM!!!

crazy wei

then old people room also got 1 smell

and got some rooms smelly like dunno what

then got a lot its so messy till i aso dunno how to say

anyways, hotel room really tells a lot

about persons character

so i guess thats why housekeepers are so unfriendly

cause they know what you did in your room

but about laundry

so i was working at the counter where i give staff their clothes

and now i know

a lot of people call me kecil

lol

i let them be la... i guess if they remember that name

then they will remember me

xoxo

charm chew

front office next

i know for now that

2010-04-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

i am impossible to love

xoxo

charm chew

i find it

2010-04-08T21:49:00.002+08:00

rather hard and difficult at the moment to
show a smile to the world

i find it close to impossible to laugh with a happy heart

everything seems so colorful yet my heart is jet black

its trapped in a freezer
cold and lonely

it stopped beating the magical red liquid a few days ago

today, it beated its last love
today it stopped breathing for love

i'm finally unhappy once more
more so now than ever

i have allowed my heart to be broken
and it was painless

and then my sense of pain returned
the ecstasy of love slowly wore of and now

IT HURTS!!

xoxo
charm chew

the first step

2010-03-27T21:48:00.001+08:00

to end something, you have to start it first.
in between start and end, you learn to savor every moment

the first step is always the hardest for sure
just like the first time i started this blog

if you look back to my histories and stumble upon my first blog entry
you will see pure awkwardness happening

but i took the first step and advanced from there on

i know i'm not qualified to give advice to aspiring bloggers
but i'll advise everyone on everything with this

take the first step without fear of judgment

xoxo
charm chew

right

2010-03-15T21:37:00.002+08:00

now i am working in the food and beverage department
and i am thoroughly enjoying myself
one one hand i still get to see my chefs
on another hand, the staff at the food and beverage department are super friendly

so when i was in kitchen duty
they called me names such as
chew
anak kathy (some chefs daughter cause they say i look like her)

now in the new deparetment i'm called
kecil (cause i'm the smallest)
adik hayani (cause they say i look like the departments manager)
sekolah menengah (cause my name tag writes chew s.m so sm stands for sek menangah)

lol

xoxo
charm chew

i'm in love

2010-03-09T20:08:00.002+08:00

with books that is
have bought 2 books since my arrival at penang

the first one i bought is called
5 people you meet in heaven
found the tittle interesting and read a few at the store than bought it

after that found out that the same author wrote
Tuesdays with Morrie
and saw it at a store then bought it and still reading it

discovered that the author loved to talk about death and what we would do
and he somehow makes death seem less morbid and depressing.
love that about the books

so i've yet to finish Tuesdays with Morrie and I'm about 3/4 done
hard to believe i just bough the book yesterday
and just started to read it this morning

so yes i am in love with books again
just hate textbooks though still

ps: just found out tuesdays with morrie was made into a tv series... i want..

xoxo
charm chew

useless

2010-02-25T21:44:00.002+08:00

i suppose i really am useless after all. for 21 years, i have inhaled oxygen, exhaled carbon dioxide and moved every possible limb to my maximum ability so far. i have believed and i have had faith that someday everything will work out just fine, i realized that maybe everything has not worked out just yet but if its not now than when will that be?

for years i have woken up with many feelings, all of which were affected by the previous night or dreams i had, some of them made me wake up and feel happier, some brought forgetful tears to my eyes while others just remained lost in memories as soon as i woke up

i know by now that in my life span of 21 years so far, success has be far away from me, i have not achieved anything of notable respect to society, if anything, only my ability to fluently speak English is something to be proud of but heck, everyone else can do that too so nothing special about that.

i suppose that maybe my patience is being tested and tested to a point where tolerance is no longer an option for me, i wake up everyday hoping for that something to be proud of but like every other time i dream, it remains unreal and not there.

maybe like you said: i could be in the rough, unpolished, undiscovered and still special. but how am i to know what i really am if i don't hear it from the people around me? i have people surrounding me who do care and who are there to help me, but i doubt the fact that i deserve them as much as i deserve to live my life this way.

for 21 years i have wasted my life and for 21 years i have no idea how to use my life in a more proper manner, for 21 years i have been a tumor and an extra useless limb that everyone finds to be bothersome and unwanted.

i am a growth that has the potential to accidentally kill you, its why i was built, its what i live for, and its the reason why i am a parasite. success of notable degree will not come to me anytime soon. i am still wasting my life with no idea or way to release myself from the difficult chain i come to know as normal.

xoxo
charm chew

and the training begins

2010-02-24T20:46:00.001+08:00

so i'm in penang and my hostel has no wifi or anyway to go online, so i'm using my phone
(which i'm sure my dad will kill me for using so much)

so experience the first time that i abandon my blog

so i'm now in a cybercafe nearby and its only RM1.20 per hour..
cheap leh...

okay, so i promise, no penang updates cause i'm sure you people don't want it..

and i bought a book tittles the 5 people you meet in heaven at gurney plaza (popular)
yesterday
and i have been quoting a lot from it to be my status update..
also watched percy jackson and the lightning thief yesterday.. awesome awesome show

xoxo
charm chew

and then

2010-02-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

boom.. something happens
and you wonder what have you done to deserve it?
you wonder why you
and you think what have you done

then suddenly you think maybe you are destined to be like this?
maybe this is the yellow brick road you were meant to walk on.
then you accept it and move on

but what if you didn't accept it?
what if you changed everything
what if you took the risk?

what if you gave up on trying?
what if you were standing on the edge and nobody is there to hold you?
what if all of a sudden you see that the one problem that brought you here
is just a minor problem?

what if you wander away from the yellow road and found
a much much more beautiful thing
what if you found

another way to live with the problem?
or another way to make the problem into something you can use?

then suddenly, does the problem seem worth standing on the edge for?
suddenly does live seem renewed?

suddenly, do you even remember the problem in the first place?

then you look below and there are hands
waiting to catch your fall

and then a ray of hope shines down
and you see it, you follow it and
you live another day

xoxo
charm chew

time beats slowly

2010-02-15T07:02:00.001+08:00

time conquers the whole world. time is constant. time is consistent, time is never kind. time is forgiving.time can be forgotten but not gone and time is always there regardless.

sometimes, time seems to move slowly and there are times where it seems as though there is just no time. these however are all from our feelings as time is always the same

we have all the time in the world and yet we have no idea of how long we have left. through time, we are allowed to think and be thought of, through time we can invent and destroy

through time, we can love and be loved, through time, we can realize what we are all here for and our purpose for living. be it to be adopted and to act cute like a pet or to explore with bounds as a little kid. we all are able to achieve those through time

but what happens when we found a speck of mistake in time? what happens when we are somehow willingly forced to rethink how we spend time? what happens when death rises on your life's horizon?

will you shield your loved ones from the truth of your sighting? will you take measures to let them down gently or would you spill everything out so they too can share your rough road?

after that what will you do?will you change yourself to be a people pleaser as you know your time left alive is limited? will you do the things you wanted to do? will you change to meet everyone's needs as you realize everyday, that it could be the last sight of them you ever had

or will you remain the same, only changing your flaws like everyone else? will you make no one feel superior and still reprimand them when needed? will you try your best to live and spend your time like before you knew and smelled death lingering and waiting to take your life?

maybe you will try everything you possibly can, study every course in an institution or all institutions, make money from your passion, write about the world you live in from a view you created,cheat death over and over again, maybe commit a minor crime or two

perhaps you will be more devoted in your religion and find a way to find time that beats slowly so you will remember every moment you have alive, or you will probably never sleep in fear of not fully utilizing the time you have left.

time never stops, it stops for no man nor lady. its ignored and mostly shoved aside until something reminds you of your previous times and the memories that comes together with it. be it someone or something.

time. when people utter that one word, we all look for the device that mankind has created through out the centuries to determine our version of time.

yet time can have so many other meanings, it brings together memories both happy and sad, it comes along with people on those memories and what you remember of that one special moment in life where time seemed to stop and time finally beats slowly and solely for you only. time is also a reminder of your death. the ultimate worldwide memento mori

the swoosh of the clock hand maybe the last thing we imagine moving, death is inevitable but time is always there, even in your death and after your death, time still moves on.

so is it about time you rethink how useless and lame time is? i think so. enjoy the rest of your life with time in it.

xoxo
charm chew

breathe in

2010-02-08T17:44:00.003+08:00

inhale and i smell cookies...

yup, i have been baking with mummy and my older sister

yesterday we made chocolate chip cookies and it took us

a whole day to complete

today we made butter cookies

they are 3 types we made

one was super brown,

the other one was plain

and the last one we put choco drops

tomorrow we will make jam tarts

while baking today

i don't know why but we started to talk about Pygmalion

and now i feel like watching my fair lady

the one with Audrey Hepburn in it

ah i miss my literature movies now...

yet to shop for clothes cause my mum thought i bought my clothes in kampar

but i did not..

maybe gonna have to wear my kampar bought clothes for new year but i hope not

and me and shuyi are currently bored at home...

nobody to go out with and nobody to fetch us out

sien dou wanna die of boredom..

i look forward to eating out, so you can see how bored i am

but i have been eating at home a lot

and i have been eating a lot

even my mum noticed and asks me if i'm having my puberty just now..

so to kill my boredom, i need your help people...

text me la...

my phone non stop sms with maxis fb2mobile only..

i get all you peeps status updates and thats it..

10 per day and thats all

just text crap also never mind..

i don't care...

ok miss you and love you

xoxo

charm chew

anna nalick

2010-02-05T11:28:00.002+08:00

is loves loves again

my older sister introduced her songs to me i think last year

since then i was hooked and then it died down

then don't know why yesterday i looked her up again

and she has no new material since then

kind of sad and wondering what happened to her..

but i freaking love her songs,

here are some.. just though i'd share..

anna nalick, in the rough

anna nalick, breathe

anna nalick, shine

anna nalick, citadel

anna nalick, forever love

and she has a lot more songs, but those up there are my favorite

and those are the one i listen to...

i sure hope she makes new stuff...

love love her...

way better then miley cyrus, demi lovato and selena gomez stuff combined..

(no offence to those fans, but you should really listen and compare un-bias-ly first)

xoxo

charm chew

3 in 1 update

2010-02-04T23:31:00.010+08:00

update

so after service,

addie dawlin (sorry za, copied you already)

took us to a corner and gave us this

super love the wrapper and packaging

another picture

the brown one is jie's

and the white one is mine

and she wrote notes for us

really handmade notes

sho naise...

and we reached home and opened it like we were supposed to

jie's prezzie

its a Patrick doll

and i got

owsumly chio ice cream slippers

loves loves... madly loves..

try your hardest to ignore the fugliness of my feet..

so all in all, this is what me and jie got for our bday this year

jie's part

sand in bottle from soo teng
aiden the bear from melvin chow
slippers from MeliJ and limmie limmie
Patrick doll from addie

my stash

nameless the bear from melvin chow
elianto eyeliner from MeliJ and limmie limmie
ice cream slippers from addie

i think that all the prezzies this year..
it has been a while since i had such a great bday
with cake and prezzies and friends
love love you peeps

hugs and kisses

miss me...

xoxo

charm chew